Dead Presidents
By Anthony Bergen
E-Mail: bergen.anthony@gmail.com
In 1964, a familiar refrain during the Presidential campaign was “Hello, Lyndon!”, a version of the title song from that year’s popular Broadway hit, “Hello, Dolly!”, sung here by Ed Ames. It was a happy time for Lyndon Johnson, who had been thrust into the White House under tragic circumstances in November 1963 with the assassination of John F. Kennedy. One year later, LBJ was elected President of the United States in his own right, routing Republican nominee Barry Goldwater in one of the biggest electoral and popular vote landslides in American history.
Four years later, many things had changed — both positively and negatively. But on March 31, 1968, the lyrics of “Hello, Lyndon!” were far from President Johnson’s mind. That night, at the end of a televised speech from the Oval Office in which Johnson announced an unconditional halt to the bombing of North Vietnam in order to help find a path towards a peace settlement, LBJ stunned the nation, other politicians, many members of his family, and most of his White House staff. With a campaign for another term as President beginning, instead of singing “Hello, Lyndon!” as in 1964, the bombastic Texan who had spent his life loving, needing, and mastering the use of power looked across his desk into the television cameras that beamed his images into millions of American homes — and Lyndon said good-bye.
There was an ugly mood in the country in 1968 with protests against the unpopular Vietnam War, racial and civil unrest in many cities around the nation, and debates and disruptions on college campuses often turning violent. Crime rates were rising, rioting was breaking out, and the situation would worsen less than a week after Johnson’s announcement when Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis. The United States was at war in Vietnam, but there was also a war of sorts within the country’s borders, and LBJ addressed that divisiveness in his March 31st speech as he shifted from the change in Vietnam policy to the personal decision he had come to:
The ultimate strength of our country and our cause will lie not in powerful weapons or infinite resources or boundless wealth, but will lie in the unity of our people.
This I believe very deeply.
Throughout my entire public career I have followed the personal philosophy that I am a free man, an American, a public servant, and a member of my party, in that order always and only. For 37 years in the service of our Nation, first as a Congressman, as a Senator, and as Vice President, and now as your President, I have put the unity of the people first. I have put it ahead of any divisive partisanship.
And in these times as in times before, it is true that a house divided against itself by the spirit of faction, of party, of region, of religion, of race, is a house that cannot stand.
There is division in the American house now. There is divisiveness among us all tonight. And holding the trust that is mine, as President of all the people, I cannot disregard the peril to the progress of the American people and the hope and the prospect of peace for all peoples.
So, I would ask all American, whatever their personal interests or concern, to guard against divisiveness and all its ugly consequences.
Then LBJ recalled the afternoon that an assassin’s bullet elevated him to the Presidency, along with the achievements that his Administration and Congress accomplished for the American people, particularly in the first two years of his time in the White House as Johnson tried to lead the nation to realize his “Great Society”:
Fifty-two months and 10 days ago, in a moment of tragedy and trauma, the duties of this office fell upon me. I asked then for your help and God’s, that we might continue America on its course, binding up our wounds, healing our history, moving forward in new unity, to clear the American agenda and to keep the American commitment for all our people.
United we have kept that commitment. United we have enlarged that commitment.
Through all time to come, I think America will be a stronger nation, a more just society, and a land of greater opportunity and fulfillment because of what we have all done together in these years of unparalleled achievement. Our reward will come in the life of freedom, peace, and hope that our children will enjoy through ages ahead.
What we won when all of our people united just must not now be lost in suspicion, distrust, selfishness, and politics among any of our people.
Three years earlier, Americans were amazed and some — including Martin Luther King, Jr. — were moved to tears when President Johnson adopted the inspirational words of the Civil Rights Movement and told a Joint Session of Congress that in the struggle against racial injustice, “We shall overcome.” Now, the American people heard words that surprised them for a very different reason:
Believing this as I do, I have concluded that I should not permit the Presidency to become involved in the partisan divisions that are developing in this political year.
With America’s sons in the fields far away, with America’s future under challenge right here at home, with our hopes and the world’s hopes for peace in the balance every day, I do not believe that I should devote an hour or a day of my time to any personal partisan causes or to any duties other than the awesome duties of this office — the Presidency of your country.
Accordingly, I shall not seek, and I will not accept, the nomination of my party for another term as your President.
But let men everywhere know, however, that a strong, confident, and a vigilant America stands ready tonight to seek an honorable peace — and stands ready tonight to defend an honorable cause — whatever the price, whatever the burden, whatever the sacrifice that duty may require.
Thank you for listening. Good night and God bless all of you.
In the days following LBJ’s withdrawal from the 1968 campaign, the President seemed to feel refreshed and his approval ratings increased, but the mood darkened once again on April 4th when Dr. King was assassinated. Robert F. Kennedy, one of the Democrats who jumped into the fray and sought the party’s Presidential nomination following Johnson’s withdrawal, was killed two months later. As the Democratic National Convention approached — an event which was marred by violence in the streets of Chicago between Chicago police and demonstrators — Johnson privately hoped that his troubled political party might turn to him and draft him as the nominee. He didn’t know if he would accept it, but as always, Lyndon Johnson wanted to be wanted. Instead, the Democrats nominated Johnson’s Vice President, Hubert H. Humphrey, who lost the election in November to Richard Nixon.
Was LBJ’s withdrawal from the 1968 campaign a self-sacrificial act on behalf of his party and country in order to focus on the job at hand? No, of course not. It’s no secret that Johnson, as Commander-in-Chief of a tremendously unpopular war, was himself tremendously unpopular. Few people had better political instincts than Lyndon B. Johnson, and he could certainly read and understand approval polls.
LBJ was certainly spooked by the results of the Democratic primary in New Hampshire on March 12, 1968. Although LBJ won the primary with 49%, Senator Eugene McCarthy of Minnesota won 42%. Prior to the New Hampshire primary, there were no Democrats willing to challenge LBJ for the nomination. McCarthy’s showing led RFK to enter the race, even though he had previously declined to run. Facing a challenge for the Democratic nomination probably was a factor in LBJ’s decision to withdraw from the race, but I don’t think it wasn’t the main reason.
As LBJ suggested in his withdrawal speech, a general re-election campaign takes a President away from his duties, but having to beat back a challenge for his own party’s nomination would require even more campaigning. Still, a politician with LBJ’s experience and an incumbent President with the advantages of a built-in political team, massive war chest, and nominal control of all aspects of the Democratic Party (the President is always the head of his political party) would be a tough opponent for any challenger within the party to overcome. I think LBJ would have won the nomination (and relished a chance to defeat Bobby Kennedy), and a general election battle between LBJ and Richard Nixon probably would have gone LBJ’s way. Hubert Humphrey nearly beat Nixon despite his relatively low-profile and without the advantages of Presidential incumbency that Lyndon Johnson would have possessed.
So, the political challenges were a factor, and the determination to focus on the troubles gripping the nation were a factor, but I believe the main reason for Lyndon Johnson’s decision to withdraw from the 1968 campaign and not seek re-election was his health.
In every campaign that Lyndon Johnson ever participated in — dating back to his first bid for Congress in 1937 — he worked so hard that he became sick. Johnson, who suffered a massive heart attack that nearly killed him in 1955, was convinced that he would not live long. According to Leo Janos in The Atlantic, LBJ didn’t think he would survive another term. ”The men in the Johnson family have a history of dying young,” he told Janos in 1971, two years after leaving office. ”My daddy was only 62 when he died, and I figured that with my history of heart trouble I’d never live through another four years.”
Johnson also told Janos, “The American people had enough of Presidents dying in office.” As someone who succeeded an assassinated President and who saw Warren G. Harding and Franklin D. Roosevelt (who “was like a daddy to me” according to LBJ) die in office, a weakened or incapacitated President resonated deeply within Johnson. He spoke often to aides about how one of his biggest fears was ending up like Woodrow Wilson who was crippled by a stroke in 1919 and spent the last two years of his Presidency as an invalid. When she was young and a member of the White House Fellows program, Doris Kearns Goodwin was an aide to LBJ and, in retirement, helped him complete his Presidential memoir, The Vantage Point: Perspectives on the Presidency, 1963-1969. In her own book about LBJ, Lyndon Johnson and the American Dream — a book in which a far more candid LBJ emerges — Kearns Goodwin writes about how deeply the Wilson nightmare truly haunted Johnson:
Hating the days, Johnson hated the nights even more. He began dreaming again the dream of paralysis that had haunted him since early childhood. Only this time he was lying in a bed in the Red Room of the White House, instead of sitting in a chair in the middle of the open plains. His head was still his, but from the neck down his body was the thin, paralyzed body that had been the affliction of both Woodrow Wilson and his own grandmother in their final years. All his Presidential assistants were in the next room. He could hear them actively fighting with one another to divide up his power: Joe Califano wanted the legislative program; Walt Rostow wanted the decisions on foreign policy; Arthur Okun wanted to formulate the budget; and George Christian wanted to handle relations with the public. He could hear them, but he could not command them, for he could neither talk nor walk. He was sick and stilled, but not a single aide tried to protect him.
The dream terrified Johnson, waking from his sleep. Lying in the dark, he could find no peace until he got out of bed, and, by the light of a small flashlight, walked the halls of the White House to the place where Woodrow Wilson’s portrait hung. He found something soothing in the act of touching Wilson’s picture; he could sleep again. He was still Lyndon Johnson, and he was still alive and moving; it was Woodrow Wilson who was dead. The ritual, however, brought little lasting peace; when morning came, Johnson’s mind was again filled with fears. Only gradually did he recognize the resemblance between this dream and the stampede dream of his boyhood. Making the connection, his fears intensified; he was certain now that paralysis was his inevitable fate. Remembering his family’s history of early strokes, he convinced himself that he, too, would suffer a stroke in his next term. Immobilized, still in office nominally, yet not actually in control: this seemed to Johnson the worst situation imaginable. He could not rid himself of the suspicion that a mean God had set out to torture him in the cruelest manner possible. His suffering now no longer consisted of his usual melancholy; it was an acute throbbing pain, and he craved relief. More than anything he wanted peace and quiet. An end to the pain.
It was thoughts and feelings like these that led Lyndon Johnson to make his famous speech 45 years ago tonight. It sounds crazy and seems insane that the power-hungry, power-loving Lyndon Johnson would allow himself to be chased out of office by a fear of death. But Lyndon Johnson thought he would die at the age of 64 and Lyndon Johnson was worried he wouldn’t survive another term. That term would have ended on January 20, 1973.
Lyndon Johnson died on January 22, 1973. He was 64.
Here are the graves of Lyndon Johnson and Lady Bird Johnson in the family cemetery at the LBJ Ranch near Johnson City, Texas. I believe these photos are from my first visit to the LBJ Ranch, which was in May or June of 2010.
Lyndon Baines Johnson’s ability to convince others to see things his way, vote for his legislation, serve at his command, and do what he needed them to do is so legendary that there is even a familiar description of his tactics — “the Johnson Treatment”. Read any biography of LBJ and you’ll be sure to find the words “bully” and “cajole” somewhere in the text. The towering Texan often used his imposing physical presence (he was nearly 6’4”) to grab lapels, jab fingers in chests, wrap his arms on his target, and literally lean on others in order to get what he needed, as displayed in the famous series of photographs above of the Johnson Treatment being used on a somwehat terrified-looking Senator Theodore Green of Rhode Island.
But the Johnson Treatment wasn’t always a physical onslaught. Lyndon Johnson had an innate, often stunning ability to read the personalities of others and immediately understand exactly how to ingratiate himself with them. With giants of Capitol Hill like Senator Richard Russell of Georgia and longtime House Speaker Sam Rayburn of Texas, LBJ recognized two lonely, childless men who had nothing in their lives but an intense devotion to politics. With both men, Johnson built relationships bordering on familial. Russell and Rayburn both had something close to paternal affection for Johnson, who was endlessly deferential to them and brought them into his home for dinners with his family because, as he once explained to Senator Russell, who lived alone in a small apartment in Washington, “You’re gonna have to eat somewhere, you know.” The relationships he built were real, but there was a reasoning behind the deference and for the personal bonds forged with such men, too. Johnson recognized their influence and how they could further his goals for himself and for his country. As LBJ often said, “Power is where power goes.”
Johnson would tailor his strategy differently for everybody he approached, and his success rate was astonishing. The Johnson Treatment’s tactics were effective, if not always admirable. The man who would one day become LBJ’s Vice President, Hubert H. Humphrey, once pulled up the leg of his trousers to show bruises where Johnson had kicked him while saying “Get going!” after giving Humphrey marching orders. In the dark days following President John F. Kennedy’s assassination, Johnson decided to appoint a special Presidential commission to uncover all of the facts of the murder and report back to the country. To chair the commission, LBJ wanted Earl Warren, Chief Justice of the United States, but Warren was opposed to Supreme Court Justices serving on extrajudicial commissions. When Warren declined, Johnson called him to the Oval Office and appealed to his patriotism, noting that rumors that the Soviet Union might be involved in Kennedy’s death could cause the Soviets to become nervous of an impending retaliation by the United States and launch a preemptive nuclear strike, which would kill an estimated 39 million Americans in the first hour. “All I want you to do is look at the facts, and bring any other facts that you want in here and determine who killed the President,” Johnson told Warren. “But here I’m asking you to do something and you’re saying no, when you could speaking for 39 million people. Now I’m surprised that you, the Chief Justice of the United States, would turn me down.” The Chief Justice, one of the most formidable and respected men in the country, was left in tears, and immediately said, “Mr. President, if the situation is that serious, my personal views do not count. I will do it.”
Richard Russell didn’t want to serve on the Warren Commission, either. One of the main reasons was that the staunch segregationist hated and distrusted Earl Warren, whose Supreme Court had ordered the desegregation of public schools in the landmark Brown v. Board of Education decision. Throughout their relationship, Johnson had always been deferential to the Senator from Georgia who, in turn, treated LBJ like the son he never had. Now, just seven days into his Presidency, LBJ used another form of the Johnson Treatment on Russell. A couple of hours after Russell had initially turned down Johnson’s request, the President called him back and told him that he wasn’t simply asking Russell to serve on the commission — in fact, he’d already announced it to the press. Russell was stunned and again tried to beg off, but it was no use. The protégé, now President of the United States, said, to his mentor, “You’re my man on that commission. And you are going to do it! And don’t tell me what you can do and what you can’t, because I can’t arrest you. And I’m not going to put the FBI on you. But you’re goddamned going to serve, I’ll tell you that!” There wasn’t anything else the Senator could do. Richard Russell served alongside the Chief Justice on the Warren Commission.
The Johnson Treatment — and LBJ’s unique way of adapting it to each person — even worked with people who knew Lyndon Johnson extraordinarily well, understood his modus operandi, and were somewhat “on-guard” for the Johnson Treatment. James H. Rowe was a cunning, tough politician and lawyer, who had known Lyndon B. Johnson since Johnson was a young, up-and-coming Congressman beginning to float into the circle of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. Rowe had been a clerk for Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes and became an ardent New Dealer. He worked on the Nuremberg Trials prosecuting Nazi war criminals following World War II, and was a Democratic operative who was a trusted political adviser to Presidents Roosevelt and Harry Truman. By 1956, Rowe had known Lyndon Johnson for nearly twenty years and had often seen LBJ get his way via the Johnson Treatment by bullying, flattering, and even sometimes making others feel pity for him.
On July 2, 1955, Johnson, the powerful Senate Majority Leader, suffered a massive heart attack that very nearly killed him. Just 46 years old, unhealthy habits such as his blistering pace at work, his diet, his drinking, his lack of exercise, and the more than three packs of cigarettes that he smoked daily caught up with LBJ, who came from a family of men with a history of heart trouble. As he returned to work at the Capitol, Johnson asked Rowe to join him as an aide in the Senate. Rowe turned Johnson down because of his lucrative law practice in New York City — a job as an aide to the Senate Majority Leader would obviously result in a drastic pay cut for Rowe. LBJ put the Johnson Treatment into full effect, and not just on Rowe.
As Rowe continued to decline Johnson’s pleading, mutual friends were told that LBJ had nearly died and that Rowe wouldn’t help him out. Rowe’s law partner, another New Dealer and famed operative for FDR, Thomas “Tommy the Cork” Corcoran, got on Rowe’s case, saying, “You just can’t do this to Lyndon Johnson!”. Rowe would later remember, “People I knew were coming up to me on the street — on the street! — and saying, ‘Why aren’t you helping Lyndon? Don’t you know how sick he is? How can you let him down when he needs you?’” Even Rowe’s wife was recruited and asked him one night, “Why are you doing this to poor Lyndon?”.
Then LBJ really turned it on. Over the years, Rowe had seen Johnson use whatever means necessary to obtain the support he needed and the people he wanted. But when Lyndon Johnson came to James Rowe’s law office, he was stunned by the display. Johnson’s was sobbing, with his head in his big hands, tears streaming down his face. “I’m going to die,” said Johnson. “You’re an old friend. I thought you were my friend and you don’t care that I’m going to die. It’s just selfish of you, typically selfish.” Pleading with Rowe that he had a big job to do as Senate Majority Leader and not much time left because of his health problems, he literally begged Rowe to come to work for him, even if it meant sacrificing his law practice for a while.
“Oh, goddamn it, all right,” said Rowe.
The Johnson Treatment had worked again, even on an old hand like James H. Rowe, who had seen it in action so many times. And, as soon as Johnson got what he wanted, the tears disappeared. The weakness was gone. He was no longer dying or crying or pleading. Instead, he stood up, looked his new employee, and gave him his first orders.
“Just remember, I make the decisions. You don’t,” LBJ commanded Rowe, and then stomped right back to work.
Anonymous Asks:
deadpresidents Said:
I think that Eisenhower and Reagan probably would have been tempted to seek a third term, if possible. They both had health problems during their Presidencies, but I could see Eisenhower seeking a third term anyway. He had a difficult time stepping away, which is one reason why he waited so long to give Richard Nixon a solid endorsement in 1960. It wasn’t necessarily a lack of confidence in Nixon’s abilities, but partly because Ike felt that he (Ike) was still the best man for the job.
Reagan, like Clinton, loved being President, too. But when Reagan left office in 1989, he was about two weeks away from his 78th birthday and, according to his official biographer, Edmund Morris, there were signs that he may have been facing the early stages of his Alzheimer’s in the last few weeks of his Administration. Since President Reagan looked relatively healthy and definitely looked fit for his age, it’s difficult for people to realize that he was almost a full eight years older than Eisenhower (70) was when Ike left office. Even if Eisenhower had served another term, Ike still would have been four years younger than Reagan at the end of that third term. I think Reagan’s age and deteriorating health would have prevented him from a third term if it was Constitutionally possible. As closely as his public image was protected by Nancy Reagan, there is no way she would have stood by while he hung on for another term and publicly started to suffer from serious Alzheimer’s symptoms.
An interesting thing is that, if they had the opportunity to run for a third term and their health allowed it, I think Eisenhower, Reagan, and Clinton all would have been easily elected to another term. I think George W. Bush would have had a much more difficult time with seeking a third term, if possible. However, I don’t think Bush would have run again even if he was Constitutionally eligible. In those last few months of 2008, President Bush looked SO ready to get back to Texas. Even if his chances of being re-elected were positive, I still think he would have chosen retirement instead of a third term.
As for the second part of your question, I think that Truman would have stepped away in 1952, no matter what. All Truman ever wanted to do was remain a U.S. Senator. When he was suggested as a potential Vice Presidential candidate, he was not interested, and when others reminded him that President Franklin D. Roosevelt likely wouldn’t survive the term, Truman declared that he didn’t want to be President either. Of course, he was elected Vice President and as in the case of almost every VP who succeeds to the Presidency, once Truman got to the White House he wanted to be elected to a term in his own right. Still, before Eisenhower declared that he was a Republican, Truman was suggesting that he (Truman) would be happy to step aside and be Eisenhower’s running mate if Ike wanted to run for President as a Democrat. So, Harry Truman did not mind retiring home to Missouri in 1952, and I think he would have done so, no matter what.
LBJ’s case was different. The fact that he was very nearly upset in the 1968 New Hampshire Democratic Primary by Eugene McCarthy really shook President Johnson up and showed that he was vulnerable. If there wasn’t a serious challenge from within his own party — first from McCarthy and then from RFK — LBJ would have stayed in that race in 1968. Despite his withdrawal from the race, deep down LBJ still had a flicker of hope that the Democratic National Convention would be deadlocked, turn to the outgoing LBJ, draft him into the race, nominate him, and he’d be the conquering hero, vanquishing Nixon and bringing the Vietnam War to an end.
LBJ was also a man of contradictions, though. Throughout his life, he always said that he would die young because all of the men in his family died by the time they were 64 or 65. As much as Johnson was addicted to power and craved the love of the American people (something that he never received like JFK did, which “broke his heart” according to Richard Nixon), he was also deeply worried that another four years in the White House would kill him. Worse yet, he would suffer an incapacitating stroke like Woodrow Wilson. LBJ often had a nightmare where he fell ill like Wilson and was an invalid — a shell of a once-powerful man bedridden or feebly being rolled through the White House in a wheelchair. It was an macabre thing to think about, but it was something that frequently haunted President Johnson, especially because he had suffered a near-fatal massive heart attack in 1955 when he was Senate Majority Leader. The confident, arrogant, impetuous, strong-willed LBJ wanted to take on Nixon and serve four more years in the White House. The sensitive, insecure, depressed LBJ considered resigning, didn’t think he’d live through the next term (1969-1973), and often had to receive a pep talk from Lady Bird to get his act together and go to work. So, with LBJ, it would actually depend on which LBJ you got on decision day when it comes to whether he would have sought a third term if not for the disastrous results of the 1968 New Hampshire Democratic Primary.
By the way, Lyndon Johnson died on January 22, 1973. If he had served a third term, it would have ended on January 20, 1973, just two days prior to the day that he actually died.
Anonymous Asks:
deadpresidents Said:
No, I’ve never really gone out of my way to find autographed copies of books or waited in line to get a book signed. During the 2007-2008 Obama campaign, at certain events, there would be a small table backstage with maybe a dozen or so copies of Obama’s books for him to sign, usually for top donors or local civic leaders/surrogates. Early in the campaign (I think it might have been in Oakland), I made sure to slip my copy of The Audacity of Hope (BOOK•KINDLE) in there for Obama to sign, but I really think that’s the only time I have actively sought a signed copy of a book by an author.
The other autographed books that I have were basically accidents. A few years ago, I was buying some books in an outlet mall at a book store that was going out of business and liquidating its merchandise for cheap. I bought Behind the Oval Office: Getting Reelected Against All Odds by Dick Morris, who helped Bill Clinton during Clinton’s 1996 reelection campaign, and who happens to be a world-class slimeball with no actual political soul. Anyway, I paid maybe $3 for the book and realized later that it was an autographed copy. I’m guessing a non-autographed copy of that book would have cost about 50 cents.
The only other autographed copy of a book in my library that I can think of was actually a pretty cool find. When I lived in Sacramento, there was a little used book store on Marconi Avenue not far from where I lived called Book Chek (yes, that is how it is spelled). Book Chek has been in the same little shopping center since I was a little kid and, quite frankly, they have never had that great of a selection. They were cheap, though, and every once in a while, I could find a few good history titles. On one trip to Book Chek, I found the autobiography of professional wrestling legend Bret Hart, Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling (BOOK•KINDLE). On its own that was a great find at Book Chek because it had only recently been released and was, in fact, on the New York Times best-seller list at the time. Plus, it’s a fantastic book — one of the best ever written on wrestling or by a wrestler because Hart is a talented writer, kept meticulous details about his career, and was unabashedly candid about the good and bad that he experienced. Anyway, I opened it up when I got home and it was autographed — not bad for $7.
I think that’s it, though. I’m pretty sure that there aren’t any others I have that been signed. When I visited the Nixon Library several years ago, I was definitely drawn to the signed copies of Richard Nixon’s Memoirs and Gerald Ford’s autobiography, A Time To Heal, on sale in the gift shop. Then I saw the price tag and bought magnets instead.
I do have autographed 8”x11” photos of President Ford, President Carter, and President George H.W. Bush, so that’s cool. I’d love to somehow get an LBJ autograph. I’m sure he probably signed some surplus copies of his autobiography, The Vantage Point, or a bunch of photographs for his office to send out to people who wrote him letters. Now, I could be wrong, of course, since LBJ has been dead for nearly 40 years, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a stack of signed photos somewhere in the LBJ Library.
(So, ummm, hello to my buddies down there at the LBJ Library in Austin! I just want to throw this out there, but if you find an LBJ autograph that you are just dying to send to me, you know how to get in touch with me! Have I mentioned that you are my favorite Presidential Library research staff lately? Because you totally are.)
And just to bring it all together, here are buffalo grazing on the land surrounding the LBJ Ranch near Johnson City, Texas during my visit there on December 12, 2010. Clearly, LBJ also knew what awesome animals buffalo are (I like calling them “buffalo” instead of “American bison”, so if I’m using that name incorrectly, write down your complaint and submit it through the proper channels.)
•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President Lyndon B. Johnson and President-elect Richard Nixon•
NIXON: Let me get this straight — you’re saying I should tape every conversation I have in the Oval Office?
LBJ: Absolutely. It’s the only way to go.
NIXON: I don’t know, Lyndon. It seems like something that could bite me in the ass.
LBJ: Not a chance in Hell. You’re going to be the President of the United States. You can burn the tapes and cover things up, if necessary.
NIXON: It doesn’t seem right. It seems like a risky move.
LBJ: Don’t be a pussy…it will make writing your memoirs much easier.
NIXON: Should I make it known that I record conversations?
LBJ: Hell no! Just do it! What’s the worst that could happen? Some asshole will get mad that their voice was recorded? Boo-fucking-hoo. Tell them that you’ll give them a copy of them chatting with the President so they look cool in front of their friends.
NIXON: What if Congress catches wind of it? It seems like I might be changing the nature of Presidential record-keeping and risking Executive Privilege.
LBJ: Dick…hahahaha…I said “Dick”! Anyway, Dick…hahahaha..
NIXON: Dude…
LBJ: Okay, sorry. Seriously, fuck Congress. What can they do?
NIXON: Impeach me?
LBJ: They never ACTUALLY impeach anyone. Especially since your Vice President is going to be that crooked retard Spiro Agnew.
NIXON: Good point. He’s from Maryland. Nobody wants a President from Maryland.
LBJ: Maryland doesn’t want a President from Maryland.
NIXON: Maryland is where Virginia and Pennsylvania stores garbage and sex offenders.
LBJ: If states were people, Maryland would be the creepy homeless guy who gives handjobs for crack money.
NIXON: Maryland is to Baltimore what bad parenting is to serial killers.
LBJ: Maryland gave Hepatitis to West Virginia and now they both make people sick.
NIXON: Okay…but back to the tapes…are you SURE this is a good idea?
LBJ: It’s a slam dunk. Tape the conversations, have them transcribed, make copies, and you’ll never have anything to worry about. Nobody ever got in trouble for telling everyone exactly what happened.
NIXON: But what if…
LBJ: No “what ifs”, Dick…hahahaha…”Dick”…just take my advice. Shit, you act like you’re going to mastermind a criminal conspiracy and then try to cover it up from the Oval Office. Tape the conversations and make sure not to make a bunch of anti-Semetic or borderline racist statements that will be preserved for history and kept in the National Archives. Why does this seem so hard to you?
NIXON: I just have a bad feeling about this. I feel like Maryland smells.
LBJ: Maryland eats dick sandwiches for breakfast and gets beat up regularly by Delaware.
NIXON: There’s a petition going around from women named Mary. They want their name removed from “Maryland” because it’s insulting to everyone named Mary.
LBJ: What are they going to call it? Shitland?
NIXON: Alright, we get the joke already, Maryland sucks.
LBJ: Dick.
NIXON: What?
LBJ: I wasn’t saying your name, I was using the adjective most fitting when describing you.
Anonymous Asks:
deadpresidents Said:
I think Goldwater would have had a better chance in 1968 than 2012, but I don’t know if I can envision a scenario where Goldwater could ever win 270 electoral votes. McGovern, I believe, would have an easier time today because what he was in 1972 was really a sneak peek at what the Democratic Party would become in the 1990’s until now.
I will say this about Barry Goldwater — while he certainly scared the crap out of a lot of people in 1964, there were a lot of other factors that played a big role in LBJ’s landslide victory. When people went to the polls in November 1964, they did so less than a year after JFK’s assassination. With everything going on in the world, there was a hunger for political stability and LBJ offered that. Americans didn’t want to have three different Presidents in a span of less than 15 months. Even Goldwater knew that. He went into that 1964 campaign knowing that JFK’s assassination had all but guaranteed that Goldwater was fighting a losing battle.
Don’t get me wrong. LBJ’s effective assumption of the Presidency and his efficiency in working with Congress to get things accomplished from November 22, 1963 until November 3, 1964 also had a lot to do with the landslide. And Goldwater was too extreme for a lot of Americans. But the 1964 election would have been far closer had John F. Kennedy been seeking a second term against Barry Goldwater. Kennedy would have won, but there’s no way he would have won 61% of the popular vote like LBJ did in 1964.
President Lyndon B. Johnson and Senator Richard Russell of Georgia
“Watch their hands, watch their eyes. Read eyes. No matter what a man is saying to you, it’s not as important as what you can read in his eyes. The most important thing a man has to tell you is what he’s not telling you; the most important thing he has to say is what he’s trying not to say.” — Lyndon B. Johnson
I need a full-size version of this poster, too. I’ve got my “LBJ FOR THE USA” 1964 campaign poster hanging in my living room, but this Senate poster is badass.
Like I said earlier, I’m doing some organizing of the files on my computer and finding some great little photos that I may or may not have previously posted. Despite what I do, I’ve never really been drawn to political cartoons — even those from what might be the golden age of American political cartoons stretching from the time of Jackson to Lincoln when they were particularly creative and often quite brutal.
However, I’d love a large print of this one. I forget which newspaper it ran in, but I believe it was published the morning after LBJ died in January 1973. This print is located in the stairwell leading to the basement restrooms at the LBJ Library in Austin and I never walked past it without wondering if I could pull it off the wall and make it out the door before security tackled me.
American bison grazing on land across the Pedernales River from the LBJ Ranch near Stonewall, Texas (December 2010)
I’m just organizing some of the folders on my computer and finding some LBJ-related photos that you guys might enjoy. By the way, my experience in Texas might have been more pleasant had it been centered around the peace and beauty of the LBJ Ranch in the Hill Country with limited visits from time-to-time into Austin only to hang out at the LBJ Library. And air-conditioning 24/7/365.
