Anonymous asked: What do you think about Republicans who want Obama to fail at his job?
To be fair to Republicans, there were plenty of Democrats who wanted George W. Bush to fail at his job, too. It’s borderline treasonous thinking. We only have one President, and our President — whether Democrat or Republican — are not the Presidents of their party, but the Presidents of all of us.
I want all of our Presidents to succeed. Sometimes, I want a different President, or I want the President we have to lose an election, but I never want our President to fail. If our President fails, we all lose out on something. It’s not good for anybody; even his political opponents.
While Republicans like Dick Cheney or Mitch McConnell take shots at President Obama at every turn, I’ll hope that the majority of Republicans throughout the country feel the same way as George W. Bush, who has said, “I love my country a lot more than I love politics. I think it is essential that Obama be helped in the office.”

When George H.W. Bush emerged from Ronald Reagan’s shadow in 1988 to seek the Presidency in his own right after nearly eight years as Reagan’s Vice President, many of his opponents and political pundits saw him as an out-of-touch, humorless, patrician, WASP who, in the famous words of Texas Governor Ann Richards, “was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” Probably the most frustrating incident of the 1988 campaign was when Newsweek ran a cover story called “Fighting the Wimp Factor” which questioned whether Bush was tough enough to be President.
All of these labels were patently unfair when directed towards Bush, who would eventually defeat Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis in November 1988 and become the 41st President. After all, Bush enlisted in the U.S. Navy on the very day that he turned 18 years old during World War II, was the youngest pilot in the entire Navy upon earning his wings, and flew 58 combat missions in the treacherous Pacific. Out of the fourteen pilots in Bush’s squadron, he was one of just four to come home at the end of war, and that was despite surviving three plane crashes during his service, one of which he saw him barely evading capture after being shot down by the Japanese. Bush’s toughness should have never been questioned.
Yes, George H.W. Bush was a patrician and a WASP who was born in Massachusetts, the son of a U.S. Senator, and a student of prestigious schools such as Greenwich Country Day, Phillips Academy, and Yale University. Still, there was an earthy, fun-loving, mischievous side to the 41st President — one that didn’t vanish when he became the most powerful man in the world. We know that Bush went skydiving several times as a former President (another measure of his toughness) — he last jumped out of an airplane at the age of 85 in 2009 — but he also might be the only President in history to break out the bunny ears during a gathering of former Presidents and former First Ladies:

In Bob Greene’s Fraternity: A Journey In Search of Five Presidents (BOOK•KINDLE), Greene seeks out five former Presidents (Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, and Bush 41) and gets a chance to spend time with all except the ailing Reagan. In Greene’s wonderful book, the most surprising revelation is that Bush — the wealthy son of a Senator who had a famous family name when entered politics and didn’t have to overcome the poverty and obstacles that Nixon, Ford, and Carter faced — was the most down-to-Earth, easy-going of the four Presidents interviewed. The two photos above give us a glimpse of that personality.
The bunny ears photo is obviously a clear example of Bush 41 not taking himself too seriously, the skydiving shows an adventurous spirit, but the photo at the beginning of the post is simply evidence that Presidents can have fun — even while they are in office and having every move watched by the public.
On August 19, 1989, George Herbert Walker Bush had been President for almost exactly eight months, and, along with his family, had traveled to his beloved home on Walker’s Point in Kennebunkport, Maine for a two-week-long vacation. In order to promote boating safety, Coast Guard members videotaped an inspection of President Bush’s 28-foot speedboat, Fidelity, and Bush recorded a short public service announcement about the importance of carrying life jackets while boating. Once the Coast Guard’s cameras turned off, the 65-year-old President received an old-fashioned family challenge.
Among those out on the water with Bush was his oldest child, 43-year-old George W. Bush, and his twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara. The future President — still several years from entering the political arena on his own — dared his father to take a dive into the chilly Atlantic Ocean. Egged on by his son, his granddaughters, and others who were out on the water with them, Bush 41 had no intention backing down. Stripping down to his trousers, Bush prepared to take the bet. Although he had just taped the message about life jackets, the President said he didn’t need one when a Coast Guard member suggested Bush wear one if he were going to the take the dive. After all, Bush was once rescued by a submarine after treading water in the Pacific Ocean for over three hours during World War II, and he was quite confident in his swimming skills.
Before taking the dare, Bush decided to make some money off of it. George W. didn’t think that the President would make the plunge, especially with other boats full of reporters swarming around Fidelity. Bush 41 put Jenna and Barbara in charge of collecting bets, and joked to reporters, “You can’t report it unless you put something in the pot.” After his granddaughters made their rounds and collected the bets, the President of the United States, bare-chested and barefoot, but wearing black trousers, followed through on George W.’s dare. Diving into the 60-degree Atlantic Ocean waters off the coast of Maine, the President swam for about two minutes before climbing back into Fidelity.
Like the bunny ears photo, it was one of those wonderful, unguarded, fun moments where a President allowed himself to be humanized. It’s rare that we see that side of our Presidents because now — only a bit more than 20 years later — everything is so choreographed and lacking in spontaneity that we often miss the human side of our Presidents and political leaders.
By the way, for winning the bet and taking the dare of the man who would later become the 43rd President, Bush 41’s twin granddaughters handed the President a grand total of $11.
“I would kiss George W. Bush on the mouth for what he did on PEPFAR…Three seconds. No tongue.” — Matt Damon, in The Atlantic, on President’s Bush’s President’s Emergency Plan For AIDS Relief.
If you say that you’re against everything George W. Bush stood for, don’t forget that he did more to fight AIDS, particularly in Africa, than any other President.
Anonymous asked: Would George W. Bush be flipping burgers if he didn’t have a wealthy background? (Meaning, do you think he could have had success on his own merits [Not neccesarily become president, just general success?] rather than have everything handed to him on a silver platter like in real life?) Same goes for JFK and both Roosevelts.
I think all of our Presidents have been ambitious men. While some of them have had advantages and opportunities that certainly helped their cause, I don’t think anyone has had the Presidency handed to them on a silver platter.
I’m no fan of George W. Bush, but the man worked hard to get where he was. He truly was the black sheep of his family, and his decision to run for Governor of Texas in 1994 while his brother, Jeb, was running for Governor of Florida was not a popular decision within his family. They thought that Jeb was the best bet and better prepared, but W. ran anyway. George W. Bush won and Jeb lost. I’m one of those people who will always be haunted by what happened in the 2000 election, but the election was as close as it was because George W. Bush was a better campaigner than Al Gore. Bush worked hard for what he accomplished, and after watching George W. Bush for almost two decades now, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to get in the way of something he’s determined to achieve.
JFK had money, but growing up in the Kennedy family wasn’t an easy thing to do. All JFK wanted to do in life was write some books and maybe become a journalist. He had no interest in being a politician, but the dreams that Joe Sr. had for the oldest Kennedy son, Joe Jr., were transferred on to JFK when Joe Jr. was killed. JFK worked to become a good politician. It wasn’t natural for him. His early speeches and and initial campaign was brutal, but he trained himself to be better. Running for President as a Catholic was difficult and Kennedy fought through terrible, chronic pain every single day of his life. JFK had a bad back BEFORE he fought in World War II. The Army rejected him because of his back and he was able to talk his father into using his connections to get him into the Navy. Then his PT boat was rammed by a Japanese ship and Kennedy swam for several hours while pulling a wounded member of his crew by his life jacket with his teeth. Nobody handed JFK a Purple Heart and war hero status; he earned it.
Theodore Roosevelt? Sure, he had money. But his dad died when he was 19 and his mother and wife died in the same house on the same day in 1884. TR was elected to the New York State Assembly at 23 years old. After the tragedy with his wife and mother, he moved to the Dakota Territory to clear his head. He looked ridiculous with his fancy New Yorker clothes and odd mannerisms, but he kicked the shit out of anyone who gave him trouble. He was a cattle rancher and a Sheriff in what was truly the wild west. TR ran for Mayor of New York City before he turned 30. Two Presidents from different parties (Harrison and Cleveland) appointed him to the U.S. Civil Service Commission from ages 31-37. By the time he turned 40, he had added president of the New York City Police Board, Assistant Secretary of the Navy, war hero in Cuba during the Spanish-American War, and Governor of New York to his resume. At 42, he was elected Vice President. Before he turned 43 he was President. On top of all that, he wrote dozens of books with expert ability on a multitude of subjects. Again, nothing was given to him that he didn’t earn.
FDR? Yes, he had money. He was also a New York State Senator before he turned 30. Like his distant cousin, he became Assistant Secretary of the Navy, but he earned that position nearly 10 years earlier than TR did and served 7 years in the position (including World War I). At the age of 37, FDR was the Democratic Vice Presidential candidate. A year later, he was paralyzed by polio, and he literally willed himself back into the public eye despite everyone telling him his career was finished. He was never fully able to walk again, but he worked so hard at trying to that he fooled millions of people. Before he turned 51 he had served a term as Governor of New York and been inaugurated as President. Through 12 of the most difficult years in the world’s history, FDR was President and kept fighting for what he felt was right even as it was clear that the job was killing him.
I think these men would have been successful at whatever they attempted to do if they focused their ambition and passion into whatever that goal might be.

Tomorrow is the 17th anniversary of Eric “Eazy-E” Wright’s death. The rapper died on March 26, 1995, about a month after checking himself into Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and finding out that he was suffering from AIDS, not asthma as he had suspected. Eazy-E became a hip-hop legend after bursting out of Compton as a part of the revolutionary group, N.W.A., along with Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, DJ Yella, and MC Ren. The controversy stemming from N.W.A.’s gangsta rap classics such as “Fuck Tha Police”, “Gangsta Gangsta”, and “Straight Outta Compton” led to the FBI actually sending a letter to Ruthless Records in 1989 condemning the content of N.W.A.’s music because they felt it encouraged violence against law enforcement.
So, what’s that have to do with Presidents?
After a $2,490 donation to the Republican Party, GOP heavyweights Bob Dole and Phil Gramm invited Eazy-E to the National Republican Senatorial Committee Inner Circle’s “Salute To The Commander-in-Chief” luncheon on March 18, 1991 in Washington, D.C. Senate Minority Leader Dole sent the gangsta rapper and former drug-dealer the invitation himself on February 8th, writing, “Elizabeth and I are looking forward to seeing you in Washington on March 18.”
Rocking a black leather suit topped off by his trademark Los Angeles Raiders hat, Eazy-E enjoyed lunch with some of the GOP’s top brass — people like Dole, Gramm, Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Schultz, and Sam Walton — and a speech by President George H.W. Bush. While the voice behind “Boyz-N-The-Hood” didn’t get a chance to actually meet President Bush, Eazy-E made it clear that he was a fan and was even disappointed that Bush didn’t speak for longer. While he famously rapped “Don’t quote me, boy, cuz I ain’t said shit” in “Boyz-N-The-Hood”, Eazy-E’s spokesperson said that the rapper “Loves the President. He thinks he’s a great humanitarian and that he did a great job with Desert Storm.”
That might seem like something that would take away Eazy-E’s street cred. Ice Cube certainly thought so, as he made clear after leaving N.W.A with his diss song “No Vaseline” when he repeated, “I never had dinner with the President!” and accused N.W.A. of ditching Compton. But maybe Eazy-E and George H.W. Bush had far more in common than most people would imagine.
See, Eazy-E and Ice Cube and Dr. Dre and DJ Yella and MC Ren aren’t the only people to come “Straight Outta Compton”. In 1949, George Herbert Walker Bush and his family (including another future President, George W. Bush) lived in the Santa Fe Gardens in, yes, that’s right, Compton, California. The second child of George and Barbara Bush, Robin, who tragically died at the age of 4 of leukemia, was born in Compton. So, while Compton was a different place in that era, two Presidents of the United States represented the “CPT” — at least for a short time. And, as the photo at the end of this post demonstrates, young George W. was even strapped — more cowboy than gangsta, not surprisingly — as many young people have long been on the South side of Compton.
Anonymous asked: how can you not think george w. bush is racist? you just lost credibility.
Don’t you see how dangerous labels can be? If you’re going to label someone as a “racist”, you better damn well understand the gravity and impact of such a word. You should fully understand the definition of that word and recognize what it means to tag someone with it. If you’re going to call someone a “racist”, you better be accurate.
Why don’t I think George W. Bush is racist? There are mountains of reasons, but let’s just keep it really simple: Would a racist appoint not one, but TWO, black Secretaries of State? Condoleezza Rice was arguably President Bush’s closest aide throughout his Administration, first as National Security Adviser and then as Secretary of State. If George W. Bush was a racist, he wouldn’t have relied on Rice, he wouldn’t have respected Rice, he wouldn’t have been close to Rice, and he certainly wouldn’t have appointed her to one of the most powerful positions in the world.
Again, words are dangerous and powerful. Understand the consequences of what you are saying before you say it. If this was a bigger stage or you had a louder voice and better platform, you would have just wrongly accused someone of something that could be seriously damaging to their life, career, and legacy. That’s one of the major problems in the media today — people make inaccurate statements or damaging accusations and, even if they aren’t true, that person can’t “un-say” them. The audience can’t “un-listen” to the baseless claim, and that’s how bullshit stains people.
Disagreeing with somebody’s politics doesn’t require you to destroy that person. I vehemently disagreed with almost everything that President Bush attempted, but I didn’t see any reason to hate the man. I don’t know him personally, but I didn’t want to see him destroyed. I never think, “Oh, if only we could get rid of all the Republicans in this country.” That’s not how our system is supposed to work. People from different backgrounds and belief systems are supposed to work together and find a way to do things that help as many Americans as possible. The American political system was not designed to be a winner-takes-all competition; it’s supposed to be a cooperative project meant to benefit everyone. We do not have to destroy each other.
Plus, what does it say about us if we rail against our President and label him as a racist or a criminal or say that he is unintelligent? If that’s the message we send, we’re also saying that the American people aren’t capable of electing someone honest or smart. No matter what you think or how confusing the Electoral College might be, the truth is that we truly do possess the power to elect our leaders. So, if we elect Presidents who are labeled with all of these nasty accusations, who is the problem? If people keep whining or protesting that we can’t elect good Presidents, who is the common denominator? The candidates? No, it’s the electorate.
•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President Barack Obama, former President George W. Bush, and former President Bill Clinton prior to a press conference on aid for Haitian earthquake victims•
OBAMA: Alright, George, you wanna handle this press conference?
BUSH: Hell no. I’m retired. Clinton loved this shit, why don’t you go be President again, Bill?
CLINTON: Nope. I wanted the job back for the longest time, but even I didn’t have to deal with crap like this.
OBAMA: Come on, guys. Help a brother out.
BUSH: I didn’t even think I’d have to come back here again. Why didn’t you call my dad to do this?
OBAMA: Your dad is 162 years old. I think he’s done enough for his country
CLINTON: Yeah, plus you’re SO good at handling disasters, George.
BUSH: I’m never going to live that Katrina thing down, am I?
OBAMA: You did drop the ball on that one.
BUSH: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought I was hanging out with President Obama. Can you tell me where to go so I can show that I care about black people, Kanye West?
CLINTON: Come on, guys. This is for the people of Haiti.
OBAMA: George, I’ll never criticize your administration again if you take all the questions in this press conference.
BUSH: Fuck that. I’d rather be the taste-tester for Haitian drinking water.
CLINTON: You might not want to say that into the microphone.
OBAMA: Seriously, one of you guys needs to take this one. I need a break. Bill…I’ll send Hillary on a diplomatic trip to Neptune if you handle this.
CLINTON: Nope. You’re on your own, kid. I had my issues with Haiti in 1994. Send Colin Powell and Jimmy Carter down there like I did.
OBAMA: But that was a political crisis, not a catastrophic disaster. It is vastly more dangerous now.
BUSH: Exactly. Send Colin Powell and Jimmy Carter down there. I hate those dudes.
CLINTON: Ditto. They are total dicks.
OBAMA: What do I have to do? I’m begging you guys…just this once…wait…what are you two laughing at?
BUSH: Nothing…it’s just that…
CLINTON: Don’t tell him!
BUSH: I have to, man. I feel bad for him.
OBAMA: What is it?
CLINTON: Fine. We were going to play a practical joke on you. When all the Presidents get together for a press conference like this, one of the ex-Presidents usually unzips his pants and lets a ball slide out while the current President speaks.
OBAMA: Jesus.
BUSH: Yeah…Bill actually did it at my Inauguration!
CLINTON: Oh, that wasn’t a practical joke. I was trying to hook up with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
BUSH: You hit that? I always pegged you more as a Sandra Day O’Connor fan.
CLINTON: Yeah, I nailed her, too.
OBAMA: Guys, I don’t need this.
CLINTON: When I was President, Gerald Ford pulled his entire dick out behind my back at the NAFTA press conference. You remember that, George?
BUSH: Nah, I was drunk until sometime in 1996.
OBAMA: Alright, it’s time. You guys might want to stop laughing.
CLINTON: Shit, what do we care? Constitutionally, we’re not even allowed to run for President again! What do we have to lose?
OBAMA: People’s respect? It might tarnish your legacies.
CLINTON: Legacies? I got impeached and Dubya started like fifteen wars that we KNOW of.
BUSH: He’s right, Barack. Hell, we might both pull our balls out.
OBAMA: Please…think of the people in Haiti.
CLINTON: He’s got a point, George. We’ll just give Obama a wedgie instead. Oh…shhh…here’s the press. Serious faces.
BUSH: I can’t stop smiling.
CLINTON: Think of Hillary and Condoleeza Rice passionately kissing each other while wearing white latex bodysuits and standing in the middle of some sprinklers.
BUSH: Jesus Christ. I wish you would have taught me that trick when I was President so I didn’t come across as such a smarmy prick all the time.
OBAMA: Alright…just go back into the White House, please. I got this.
Best moment? I don’t know if I can narrow it down to one best moment. Because of the emotionally-charged atmosphere after 9/11, there will always be something immensely powerful about President Bush on top of the rubble at Ground Zero speaking through a megaphone after the rescue workers said “We can’t hear you!” and the President said “Well, I can hear you! And the people who knocked down these towers will hear from ALL of us soon!”, followed by the “USA! USA!” chant. Another great (somewhat related) moment was when President Bush threw out the first pitch of the World Series at Yankee Stadium a few weeks after 9/11 and fired a perfect strike despite the fact that he was wearing a bulletproof vest (and despite the pressure that Derek Jeter put on him by saying “Don’t bounce it. They’ll boo you.”)
Those two examples, of course, are just symbolic things, but they were very powerful in the wake of 9/11.
What I find to be the best about our Presidents and Presidency, though, is that on Inauguration Day, we always have a smooth, peaceful transition. It’s a very remarkable thing that we almost take for granted. Yet, every four or eight years, a new President takes over and, no matter how nasty the campaign might have been, there is never a hitch in the proceedings. The peaceful transition between Presidential Administrations is constantly extraordinary.
•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription featuring George W. Bush and Rick Perry•
PERRY: Are you understanding this, George?
BUSH: I’m trying. Am I holding this the right way?
PERRY: I’m gonna be honest — I don’t have a goddamn clue how to use one of these things.
BUSH: Do we plug it in somewhere? Is this one of them iKindle’s? I guess we’ll follow the kid’s lead.
PERRY: Yeah, this kid is amazing. He hasn’t messed up once. I don’t know how he knows all of this.
BUSH: It’s impressive, but I hate that they are teaching foreign languages like this in our schools.
PERRY: I know…I might be Governor of Texas, but even I can’t read this Spanish book.
BUSH: Oh, I can read Spanish. This isn’t Spanish. This type of language is proof that we’re letting the terrorists win. It’s in Arabic, or Ebonics or something.
KID: Actually, this book is in English.
PERRY: On second thought, I don’t like this kid’s attitude one bit. He shouldn’t get uppity with us just because you and I have probably executed most of his relatives.
BUSH: Exactly. Look how long his shorts are. I think Obama let him out of Guantanamo. If you get into the White House, you should open it back up for business and make him the first customer.
PERRY: Do Presidents have to do a lot of this, George? I’m okay with visiting kids — even brown ones like in Houston and San Antonio — but I don’t know about reading publicly.
BUSH: Well, I went to great lengths to avoid it, Rick. Hell, if you remember, I staged 9/11 just to get out of reading out loud.
PERRY: Holy shit, that’s why you did it? What a brilliant move! It got you out of that classroom in Florida that morning AND allowed you to invade Iraq! You’re a genius!
BUSH: Two birds, one stone, Rick. That wasn’t even a Rove idea, either. It was all “43”.
PERRY: You did have to read My Pet Goat that morning, though.
BUSH: I was so drunk that morning that I had no idea what I was looking at. I thought it was a menu from Denny’s. Fortunately for me, Andrew Card came over and whispered, “We had the government go ahead and mastermind a massive terrorist attack if you want to get out of here.”
PERRY: And you mosey’d on out!
BUSH: Damn right, mosey’d right out. I amscrayed right into history, if I can use a little Latin.
KID: That was Pig Latin, and just one word of it.
BUSH: You are really pushing your luck, kid, both with your disrespect and the fact that you tucked that awful baby blue shirt into your jorts.
PERRY: I like your style, Dubya. We’re just two authentic Texans, aren’t we?
BUSH: With the cowboy boots, belt buckles, and debating skills to prove it. Two tough sumbitches who just happened to be male cheerleaders while mired in sub-mediocrity at their respective colleges.
PERRY: Real quick, George…if you had your choice, what book would you rather be reading right now? On the count of three, we’ll both answer that question: 1…2…3!
BUSH and PERRY (IN UNISON): A POP-UP BOOK OF NOLAN RYAN THROWING A NO-HITTER AGAINST GAY PEOPLE AND IMMIGRANT ABORTION DOCTORS WHO LOVE TEXAS AND KNOW ALL OF THE DEPARTMENTS OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!!!
PERRY: Yee-haw!
BUSH: Wow…did we just become best friends?

We never forget about Lincoln and Garfield and McKinley and Kennedy, the quartet of American Presidents who fell victim to assassination. Even the most casual observers of Presidential history can probably name the four Presidents who were killed by assassins.
There are also famous assassination attempts, where Presidents barely escaped with their lives, that many Americans are quite familiar with:
•Richard Lawrence’s miraculously unlucky double misfiring in 1835 which saved Andrew Jackson’s life and resulted in the insane Lawrence taking quite a beating from Old Hickory’s cane
•The shooting of Theodore Roosevelt in Milwaukee during the 1912 Presidential campaign which resulted with TR bleeding throughout his speech from a bullet in the chest before he checked into a hospital for treatment
•The ill-fated 1950 attempt by Puerto Rican nationalists to storm Blair House and kill Harry Truman as he napped upstairs
•Gerald Ford’s troubles with two California women who separately tried to kill him in Sacramento and then San Francisco just two weeks apart in September 1975
•The vivid, daring shooting of Ronald Reagan as he exited the Washington Hilton in March 1981 which very nearly killed the 70-year-old Reagan just two months into his Presidency
What is amazing is that, in this age of instant information and the constant regurgitation of media coverage, very few Americans know that there is a man sitting in prison in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia for attempting to assassinate George W. Bush. What even less Americans realize is how close Vladimir Arutyunian actually came to accomplishing his task.
On May 10, 2005, President Bush spoke to a large crowd in Tbilisi, Georgia. In the photo at the top of the post is Bush at the podium in Tbilisi. The other photo is of Arutyunian holding a plaid handkerchief. Wrapped in the handkerchief was a live hand grenade.
As President Bush spoke, nearby sat his wife, Laura, Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili, and the Dutch-born First Lady of Georgia, Sandra Roelofs. They had no idea that, during the speech, Arutyunian tossed his handkerchief-wrapped grenade towards the stage. The grenade landed just 61 feet away from President Bush, well within range of causing serious injury, if not death.
Of course, the grenade didn’t explode. At first, it was thought to be a dud, but upon inspection, it was found that the only reason the grenade didn’t detonate was because Arutyunian’s handkerchief, used to hide the explosive in the crowd, was wrapped too tightly around the grenade, preventing the firing pin from deploying. A Georgian security official noticed the grenade, grabbed it quickly and disposed of it as Arutyunian disappeared into the massive crowd and President Bush continued speaking.
Georgian police worked closely with the United States Secret Service, the FBI, and the U.S. Justice Department to investigate the attempted assassination and find the would-be assassin who seemingly melted into Tbilisi after his brazen, albeit unsuccessful attempt. Using DNA evidence and tips from informants, the Georgian police tracked down Arutyunian . When they went to arrest Arutyunian, a gunfight broke out and Arutyunian killed Zurab Kvlividze, a top counterterrrorism official with Georgia’s Interior Ministry. Arutyunian was wounded before finally being captured with the assistance of Georgian Special Forces.
The Georgians tried Arutyunian on the murder of the police officer, as well as the attempted assassinations of President Bush and President Saakshvili. Arutyunian was sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole. A federal grand jury in the United States indicted Arutyunian on the federal charge of the attempted assassination of the President of the United States, which is a felony. The U.S., however, has not attempted nor has any potential plans to extradite the failed assassin from Georgia, and Arutyunian will likely spend the rest of his life in a Georgian prison
•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President George W. Bush and former President George H.W. Bush•
BUSH 41: Look at that, son! They named an aircraft carrier after me! What an honor!
BUSH 43: Congratulations, Pops, you deserve it.
BUSH 41: I’m sure they’ll name something after you someday. Then again, I was a war hero and you were…well…not.
BUSH 43: Sure, Dad. I may not have been a war hero, but how was your second term in the White House?
BUSH 41: Not only were you not a war hero, you weren’t even a war participant. Then again, I guess starting two wars is more than I can claim credit for.
BUSH 43: I wouldn’t have had to start one of them if you had finished it in 1991.
BUSH 41: I was too busy worrying about how to keep my black sheep, fuckoff eldest son from embarrassing me and creating an obstacle for my good son, Jeb, on his eventual journey to the White House.
BUSH 43: Which of my two terms was your favorite? You know, since you lost your shot at re-election in 1992, you can technically still serve another term. It’s not too late, old-timer.
BUSH 41: I ought to kick your ass. I still could, too. I was flying bomber missions in the Pacific during World War II before I could grow facial hair. When you were that age, you were a drunk cheerleader at Yale.
BUSH 43: Wait…photographers. Smile and pretend we like each other.
BUSH 41: Jeb’s still pissed at you for ruining his future plans.
BUSH 43: Jeb looks like the illegitimate son of mom and a Spanish opera singer. That swarthy motherfucker should run for President of Weight Watchers.
BUSH 41: He’ll be giving the eulogy at my funeral.
BUSH 43: Yes, the opening eulogy right before I get up and say, “Well, that was a nice speech for a Governor…now for some Presidential gravitas.”
BUSH 41: You looked ridiculous in that “Mission Accomplished” flight suit, you phony.
BUSH 43: At least I didn’t throw up in the lap of Japan’s Prime Minister.
BUSH 41: Fuck you: two unjust wars.
BUSH 43: Eat a dick: one shitty term.
•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President Barack Obama, former President George W. Bush, and former President Bill Clinton in the Oval Office•
OBAMA: I can’t do it, Bill.
CLINTON: Seriously, Barack, just send her to Antarctica. Have her plant a flag there, or open an embassy.
OBAMA: There are treaties that preclude that. You know this.
CLINTON: How about the Moon?! First Secretary of State on the Moon! She’d be all for that. She’d love that.
OBAMA: Bill, I can’t just keep sending Hillary out of the country.
BUSH 43: Heh, heh, heh…he wants to get rid of Hillary!
OBAMA: Yes, George.
CLINTON: Fine…isn’t there some sort of trouble going on in North Korea.
OBAMA: Well, yes, but I can’t send her to North Korea. She can’t go there.
CLINTON: Why? I did! I went there and everything turned out fine. Send her. For like a month! Have her fix it and win a Nobel Peace Prize. Don’t you want someone from this country to actually earn a Nobel Peace Prize?
OBAMA: Okay, that was inappropriate.
BUSH 43: See, he just wants to get Hillary out of the country! Heh, heh, heh.
OBAMA: No, I get it, George. I understand what he wants.
BUSH 43: Here’s my impression of Bill: “Get Hillary out of here!”. That’s what Bill is saying, Barack. Heh, heh, heh.
OBAMA: WE GET IT, GEORGE. WE GET THE FUCKING JOKE.
CLINTON: Jesus Christ, Dubya, are you drinking again?
BUSH 43: I’ve been drinking since 2004.
OBAMA: See, I told you, Bill.
CLINTON: Okay, I owe you $20 on that. But, for real, how about sending Hillary to Croatia?
OBAMA: Croatia? Why Croatia?
BUSH 43: Because he wants to get her out of the country!
OBAMA: ——
BUSH 43: Sorry, you get it. My bad. (Ahem) Yeah, why Croatia, Bill?
CLINTON: Croatia is where I had Commerce Secretary Ron Brown go when there was some trouble brewing and I needed to make his plane “crash into a mountain”, if you know what I mean?
OBAMA: What?! No, I don’t “know what you mean”.
CLINTON: I mean…no…you know, Croatia is beautiful. Great beaches. Have her open an embassy there? (Wink, Wink)
OBAMA: Why are you winking at me like that?
BUSH 43: Bill wants you to get rid of Hillary so he can get some poontang.
OBAMA: Goodbye. Both of you.
CLINTON: The Gulf of Mexico! She can plug the oil leak with her fat ass!
OBAMA: Please get the fuck out of my office.
CLINTON: I still nailed an intern on your desk.
•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President George W. Bush, President-elect Barack Obama, former President Bill Clinton, and former President George H.W. Bush in the Oval Office•
BUSH 43: Bill…Holy shit, this guy’s really black!
CLINTON: Dude, you screwed up so badly that America elected a black guy.
BUSH 43: I thought it was just a rumor. I didn’t know he was seriously a black dude. Like…wow…he’s not white. We elected a black President!
CLINTON: You know, I think we can take him. I’ll dive for the legs and you get him in a headlock.
BUSH 43: And then what?
CLINTON: Well, I’ll just get my shit and move in. Don’t tell Hillary. We’re going to keep it on the DL this time around.
BUSH 41: What are you guys whispering about over there?
BUSH 43: Nothing, Dad! (Whispers to Clinton) Is that old fart ever going to kick it? He’s not supposed to outlive me. John Quincy Adams must have had it easy when his dad croaked.
CLINTON: He’s in better shape than any of us — including Tiger Woods over there.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself) Holy shit, I can’t believe America elected me. I’m black for fuck’s sake! A black President! This isn’t the movies! I’m not Morgan Freeman in “Deep Impact”!
BUSH 43: I know that I have to be President until January 20th, but do I really have to do anything? I need a vacation. Can’t I just go home now?
CLINTON: Well, I was pardoning people up until the moment the Chief Justice administered the Oath. I mean, seriously, I was literally pardoning people while I sat on the dais at the Inauguration in 2001.
BUSH 41: Hey son, how about you stop whispering and start acting Presidential. Shake this colored fella’s hand. He won’t get any on you.
OBAMA: What?
BUSH 43: Don’t worry, Arsenio, he lost his mind on his last parachute jump. He’s just a crazy old man.
BUSH 41: A crazy old man who will open a can of whoop-ass on you, Junior.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself) I wonder if I still have to be President if I just run out the doors right now. This is like inheriting the Titanic after it hit the iceberg.
CLINTON: You know what’s strange? It still smells like cigars and fat girls in here.
BUSH 43: I had the carpet cleaned, but I think you pretty much ruined the Oval Office with that Lewinsky crap.
CLINTON: Yeah, we should definitely overlook the economic growth, budget surplus, and welfare reform simply because I got frisky with an intern.
BUSH 41, OBAMA & BUSH 43 SIMULTANEOUSLY: A FAT INTERN!
CLINTON: Alright, I get it. As if impeachment wasn’t embarrassing enough.
BUSH 41: I knew I should have worn a diaper.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself) First of all, I wonder if Papa Bush realizes he said that out loud. And, secondly, I’m beginning to realize I made a HUGE mistake. I could be playing basketball in Hawaii for the next eight years! Also, I’M BLACK! I’m not saying we can’t be in charge; I’m just saying we SHOULDN’T be in charge yet! Tupac said so in “Changes”.
BUSH 43: What are we here for again? And why is Jimmy Carter cut out of the picture? Hey, Bryant Gumbel, why are you standing next to my dad?
OBAMA: You’re running out of light-skinned black celebrities, aren’t you?
BUSH 43: Yes, Mario Van Peebles. Okay, I’m definitely out of them now.
BUSH 41: Hey Clinton, why do you have a boner?
CLINTON: I don’t know. This room just reminds me of spraying spider webs all over blue dresses.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself) I could probably get out of this situation right now if I say something in Arabic.
BUSH 41: Now which one of us says “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”?