Dead Presidents

•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President Richard Nixon and Elvis Presley•

NIXON: Thanks for coming by, Elvis.  I know that it’s your birthday today and my birthday is tomorrow, so I figured we’d have ourselves a little party.
ELVIS: No problem, Mr. President.  You know I dig your Oval Office parties!  Can you turn the tape recorder off, though?  You know how I roll…
NIXON: Of course, we wouldn’t want to get ourselves in trouble.  Oh wait, I’m the President!  I can’t get in trouble.  Did you bring what I asked? 
ELVIS: Yes, sir.  Wait a second…who is this guy with the glasses?  Is he a Narc?  This guy gonna turn us in?  I don’t like guys with glasses.
NIXON: Well, you had glasses on when you came in.  They are right there on the table.
ELVIS: Those aren’t glasses.  Those are shades, man.  Seriously, he can stay, but can you have him stop looking at me?
NIXON: Wow…check out those cuff links!  That is the definition of bling, Elvis.
ELVIS: Man, these are diamonds created from the cremated bones of Tyrannosaurus Rex legs.  You know how much these cost?
NIXON: How much?
ELVIS: I don’t know, Dick…I was fucking HIGH AS HELL when I bought them!
NIXON: (Laughs)  That reminds me…did you bring the sticky-icky?  Let’s get this party started.  I might even take my suit jacket off!
ELVIS: Oh, I brought it.  This creepy dude with glasses has to leave, though.
NIXON: He’s fine, Elvis.  Let’s hotbox the Oval Office and get some girls in here.  I want to dance.  Dick Nixon wants to get down!
ELVIS: Creepy guy with glasses can stay, but I’ll karate chop him if he doesn’t stop looking at me.  Where’s the Memphis Mafia…they brought the girls.  You wanna roll a blunt for us, Dick?
NIXON: Absolutely.  Happy Birthday, King.
ELVIS: Thank you, thankyouverymuch.  Happy Birthday, Mr. President