Dead Presidents

Historical facts, thoughts, ramblings and collections on the Presidency and about the Presidents of the United States.

By Anthony Bergen
E-Mail: bergen.anthony@gmail.com
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Posts tagged "Bush 41"

Speaking of former President George H.W. Bush, at today’s dedication of his son’s George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum in Dallas, the 88-year-old patriarch of the Bush Family was surrounded by four other Presidents, First Ladies, other dignitaries, scores of media, and nearly 10,000 visitors.

Yet, despite all of those people and the fact that it was supposed to be a day honoring the career and Administration of the 43rd President, poor #43 (as well as #39, #42, and #44) was upstaged by, of all things, President #41’s bitchin’ socks.  And, as TIME shows in this photo gallery, a wheelchair may have robbed Papa Bush of his ability to continue skydiving but it’s also introduced the world to George Herbert Walker Bush: War Hero, President…Sock Fashionista.

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Tomorrow is the 18th anniversary of Eric “Eazy-E” Wright’s death.  The rapper died on March 26, 1995, about a month after checking himself into Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and finding out that he was suffering from AIDS, not asthma as he had suspected.  Eazy-E became a hip-hop legend after bursting out of Compton as a part of the revolutionary group, N.W.A., along with Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, DJ Yella, and MC Ren.  The controversy stemming from N.W.A.’s gangsta rap classics such as “Fuck Tha Police”, “Gangsta Gangsta”, and “Straight Outta Compton” led to the FBI actually sending a letter to Ruthless Records in 1989 condemning the content of N.W.A.’s music because they felt it encouraged violence against law enforcement.

So, what’s that have to do with Presidents?

After a $2,490 donation to the Republican Party, GOP heavyweights Bob Dole and Phil Gramm invited Eazy-E to the National Republican Senatorial Committee Inner Circle’s “Salute To The Commander-in-Chief” luncheon on March 18, 1991 in Washington, D.C.  Senate Minority Leader Dole sent the gangsta rapper and former drug-dealer the invitation himself on February 8th, writing, “Elizabeth and I are looking forward to seeing you in Washington on March 18.”

Rocking a black leather suit topped off by his trademark Los Angeles Raiders hat, Eazy-E enjoyed lunch with some of the GOP’s top brass — people like Dole, Gramm, Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Schultz, and Sam Walton — and a speech by President George H.W. Bush.  While the voice behind “Boyz-N-The-Hood” didn’t get a chance to actually meet President Bush, Eazy-E made it clear that he was a fan and was even disappointed that Bush didn’t speak for longer.  While he famously rapped “Don’t quote me, boy, cuz I ain’t said shit” in “Boyz-N-The-Hood”, Eazy-E’s spokesperson said that the rapper “Loves the President.  He thinks he’s a great humanitarian and that he did a great job with Desert Storm.”

That might seem like something that would take away Eazy-E’s street cred.  Ice Cube certainly thought so, as he made clear after leaving N.W.A with his diss song “No Vaseline” when he repeated, “I never had dinner with the President!” and accused N.W.A. of ditching Compton.  But maybe Eazy-E and George H.W. Bush had far more in common than most people would imagine.

See, Eazy-E and Ice Cube and Dr. Dre and DJ Yella and MC Ren aren’t the only people to come “Straight Outta Compton”.  In 1949, George Herbert Walker Bush and his family (including another future President, George W. Bush) lived in the Santa Fe Gardens in, yes, that’s right, Compton, California.  The second child of George and Barbara Bush, Robin, who tragically died at the age of 4 of leukemia, was born in Compton.  So, while Compton was a different place in that era, two Presidents of the United States represented the “CPT” — at least for a short time.  And, as the photo at the end of this post demonstrates, young George W. was even strapped — more cowboy than gangsta, not surprisingly — as many young people have long been on the South side of Compton.

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Speaking of suits, that last question, about whether I would wear a suit as President, reminds me of my favorite Presidential book, Bob Greene’s wonderful Fraternity: A Journey In Search of Five Presidents (BOOKKINDLE).  In the book, Greene sets out to visit with five former Presidents who are in different stages of retirement.  Although he is unable to see the ailing Ronald Reagan, Greene spends time with Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and George H.W. Bush and gives the reader interesting insights on how they live and what their lives are like after being the most powerful and recognizable person in the world.

Nixon is the first former President that Greene visits and the author is surprised to find out that Nixon never took off his suit jacket while in the Oval Office and, nearly 20 years after his resignation, the former President still worked in a suit jacket and tie — even if he was sitting in his home office all day and working alone on a book that he was writing.  ”It isn’t a case of trying to be formal,” Nixon told Greene, “But I’m more comfortable that way.  I’ve done it all my life.  I don’t mind people around here in the office, particularly younger people — they usually take their coats off.  But I just never have.  It’s just the way I am.  I work in a coat and tie — and believe me, believe it or not, it’s hard for people to realize, but when I’m writing a speech or working on a book or dictating or so forth, I’m always wearing a coat and tie.  Even when I’m alone.  If I were to take it off, probably I would catch cold.  That’s the way it is.”

In a way, however, Nixon’s formality isn’t all that surprising.  After all, there are many photos of a relaxing Nixon walking the beach along the Pacific Ocean near his home in San Clemente, California, La Casa Pacifica sans suit coat and tie, but in suit pants and wingtips.

Later in Fraternity, when Bob Greene visited with former President George H.W. Bush, he was struck by how down-to-earth and relaxed the supposedly-patrician, WASPish 41st President was.  Greene decided to tell Bush about Nixon’s personal suit-and-tie rule and get another President’s opinion, so I’ll share that excerpt from Fraternity, a book that I’ve recommended countless times and will undoubtedly recommend again:

“Mr. Nixon said that he permitted the men in his office to take their suit coats off, but that he never did, because he wouldn’t like the way it made him feel,” I (Greene) said.

“I never did, in the Oval Office,” Bush said.

“You didn’t take your suit coat off?” I said.  Bush was still jacketless as we sat and talked.

“No,” Bush said.

“When you were alone?” I asked.

THAT’S what you’re talking about — Nixon wouldn’t even take his jacket off when he was alone?” Bush said.

“Yes,” I said.

“Oh,” Bush said, looking toward the ceiling as if trying to picture this.  ”I see,” he said, sounding as if he found the notion quite peculiar.

He thought for a second.  ”I might have taken it off when I was alone in the Oval Office,” he said.  ”But when people were there, I put a jacket on.”

“But Mr. Nixon said that wherever he was, not just in the Oval Office, when he was alone working on a speech by himself or something, he would keep his suit jacket on,” I said.  ”He had to have it on.”

“No,” Bush said, remembering his own routine in the White House.  ”I think I would go in there to the Oval Office on a Saturday morning when nobody was there, and I wouldn’t wear a jacket.  At he house, the living quarters part of the White House, that’s different, too.  I mean, I’d walk around there in a bathrobe.  I mean, you know, the bedroom?  You’re not going to wear a suit.”

So, there you go, more than you’ll ever need to know about Presidents and suits.  Again, you’re missing out if you’ve never read Bob Greene’s Fraternity: A Journey In Search of Five Presidents (BOOKKINDLE).  It is my favorite Presidential book because I love how Greene presents the Presidents he visits as people.  Instead of simply looking at what they did or did not do, Greene asks the Presidents he talks to — Nixon, Ford, Carter, and Bush 41 — exactly what I would want to ask a President:  ”What did it feel like?”  I am confident that it is a book that many of my readers would really love.

Best wishes tonight to 88-year-old former President George Herbert Walker Bush whose condition has apparently worsened as he continues to battle a nasty flu that has hospitalized him for over a month.  George H.W. Bush is an American hero who has served our country since his 18th birthday and is one of the most decent, qualified men ever elected President.

We’re pulling for you, 41.

Asker bbkld Asks:
Dan Quayle? Twice? What was 41 thinking?
deadpresidents deadpresidents Said:

That’s a question that I think George H.W. Bush probably asks himself.  Quayle was a strange choice for VP.  Keeping him on the ticket in 1992 is more understandable because dumping your Vice President is a difficult and damaging thing to do.  By dumping your VP from the ticket, you’re basically saying that you screwed up with the very first decision of magnitude that you had to make.  Politically, it looks like a panic move because, in almost all cases, it is a panic move.  Plus, Bush 41 was old-school and loyalty was extremely important to him.

Selected quotes from George H.W. Bush’s “What I’ve Learned” appearance in the January 2011 issue of Esquire (Originally interviewed by A.J. Jacobs on September 20, 2010)

(On his wife, Barbara)
“What struck me about her?  Her beauty.  Her sheer beauty.  And her dress!  She had on a green-and-red dress.  Spectacularly beautiful woman.  And I asked somebody, ‘Who is that beautiful girl?’  ‘That is Barbara Pierce, why?’  I said, ‘Well, I’d like to meet her.’  And he brought her over.  We said hi.  Then they started playing a waltz.  I said, ‘Barbara, I don’t know how to waltz’.  And she said, ‘Well, let’s sit down.’  So we sat down, and the rest is history.  Been sitting down for sixty-five years.

(On finding his career path)
“I was offered a job on Wall Street by my uncle.  But I wanted to get out.  Make-it-on-my-own kinda thing.”

(On his parachute jumps)
“I’m going to do one more parachute jump.  My ninetieth birthday, June 12, 2014.  I liked it better when they let me do it solo.  Now I go strapped onto some guy.  My third-to-last jump, they said, ‘I don’t think you should jump today.’  I said, ‘What are ya, worried about an old guy?’  They said, ‘Well, how about a tandem jump?’  So I did a tandem jump.  I’ve been doing it ever since.  But the solo is much more fun.

(On honors and tributes)
“The USS George H.W. Bush [aircraft carrier] is a great thing in my life.  It’s amazing.  A great honor.  The difference between this and the old carriers when I was a pilot is unbelievable.  Five thousand people on it — it’s like a city.”

(On other leaders)
“Gorbachev was always very pleasant.  I was the first one to have any contact with him, because I went over as Vice President when he took office.  And so I told Reagan that we’ve got a different guy here, a different leader.  He’s easy to work with, good sense of humor.  Could be tough, he could get angry, but I liked working with him.  I give him great credit for how the world is today.”

(On giving up a seat in the House to run for the Senate)
“I went to see Lyndon Johnson, and I was telling him I wanted to run for Senate.  And he said, ‘The difference between the Senate and the House is the difference between chicken salad and chicken shit.’  Johnson was amazing.”

(On Jimmy Carter during the Persian Gulf War)
“When I was President, trying to rally the country behind what became Desert Storm, Jimmy Carter wrote all the members of the United Nations Security Council and urged them not to support me in the resolution that would have given all countries, really, the right to use quote whatever means necessary unquote, and aggression.  That means use force.  And he lobbied against it.  He went to foreign leaders, I mean it’s just unconscionable.”

(On fame)
“Most restaurants we go, they remember — you’re the one that doesn’t like broccoli.  You gotta be famous for something.”

(On pain)
“Well, the worst thing about the time that I was President I think was losing the election.  Yeah, I really wanted to win, and I read smart reporters saying all these harsh things, like ‘He’s not really trying’ and ‘He feels he’s got it.’  And that’s not really true at all in my view.  So that was a hurtful thing.”

(On rest and relaxation as President)
“I loved going to Camp David.  That was a marvelous getaway.  You get on a helicopter, you’re up there in twenty-eight minutes from the White House lawn.  You get off the chopper and there’s no press, no nothing, you just go in and see the top-run movies.  You could talk to foreign leaders without intrusion.”

(On being the father of a President)
“I didn’t give him any advice at all.  But I was a very proud dad…I never said, ‘Now that you’re President, here’s what you’ve gotta do’ — no advice like that.  He had his own people around him, good people.  I had my chance.”

(On material possessions)
“I think the boat is my favorite possession.  But we’re not things people.”

(On his future, as he prepared for 2011)
“If I could accomplish one thing in 2011?  Probably I’d say be alive and not be drooling.”

(On Jimmy Carter)
“Jimmy was terrible to George, so I didn’t ever appreciate that.  You don’t criticize a successor and other Presidents.  I wouldn’t, and he did.  He got very personal about George, and I never appreciated that.”

(On criticism of George W. Bush)
“It’s much worse to read criticism about your son than yourself.”

(On how he and Barbara feel about their children)
George:  “What did I think my kids would do?”
Barbara:  “We thought they would be dictators.
George:  “No, we didn’t know.”
Barbara:  “We just prayed they’d grow up.”
George:  “They were all wonderful and we were very blessed.”

(On life)
“I love the phrase ‘insurmountable opportunities’.”

Happy Birthday to George Herbert Walker Bush, who turns 88 years old today and has now lived a longer life than all but five Presidents (Ford, Reagan, John Adams, Hoover, and Truman, who he will pass on the longevity list in several months).

In The Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare writes, “For the sins of your fathers, you though guiltless, must suffer.”  I think with the Bush family, this has been reversed.  George H.W. Bush was not a bad President.  Yet we’re so close to the abysmal Presidency of his son that we lump the two together, whether because of their family connection or the similarities of their names.  The elder Bush was a moderate Republican and George W. Bush was cut from the mold of Ronald Reagan.  Bush 43 never idolized or tried to replicate his father’s Presidency, and our country is worse off because of it.

People also tend to think that both Bushes were born with silver spoons in their mouths and had everything handed to them.  George Herbert Walker Bush was the youngest Naval aviator in World War II.  Exactly 70 years ago today — on his 18th birthday — Bush enlisted in the Navy and went to war.  He flew 58 combat missions in the Pacific and was one of only four pilots in his squadron to survive the war.  He had to land in the ocean at one point due to an aircraft malfunction and barely escaped before his plane exploded.  In 1944, his plane was shot down by Japanese anti-aircraft fire, two of his crewman were killed, and Bush had to parachute into the Pacific, smashing into the tail of his aircraft on the way down, slicing his head open and tearing his parachute.  It took three hours of fighting off sharks before a submarine rescued him, injured from his head wound and a vicious sting from a Portuguese man-of-war.  Not only that, but Bush was nearly captured by Japanese warships that were kept away from him by American warplanes — ships that would have sent him to Japanese authorities at the nearby Bonin Islands who were eventually convicted of war crimes such as torture, decapitation of Allied forces, and cannibalism of American pilots that they had shot down.  Bush was a war hero.  Don’t ever think he didn’t earn anything.

One of the things I’ve always liked about Bush is that he is apparently a great guy; funny and laid-back.  In Bob Greene’s Fraternity, Greene visited with all the living ex-Presidents and noted that Bush was the President who would be most fun to have a beer with.  When Lyndon Johnson — a Democrat — left office, Bush bypassed the inaugural parade of new Republican President Richard Nixon to pay his respects to LBJ at Andrews Air Force Base before the former President Johnson flew home to his retirement in Texas — something which resonated deeply with the emotional and sensitive LBJ.

George W. Bush was not a mirror image of George H.W. Bush.  Let’s remember that, if nothing else, on Bush 41’s 88th birthday.  But, let’s also remember that the elder Bush was a legitimate war hero, a dedicated public servant, a loyal Vice President, and a very capable President whose re-election was derailed by the combination of a tough economy, the charismatic Bill Clinton, and the third party challenge of Ross Perot.

During our history, we’ve done a lot worse than George Herbert Walker Bush.

When George H.W. Bush emerged from Ronald Reagan’s shadow in 1988 to seek the Presidency in his own right after nearly eight years as Reagan’s Vice President, many of his opponents and political pundits saw him as an out-of-touch, humorless, patrician, WASP who, in the famous words of Texas Governor Ann Richards, “was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”  Probably the most frustrating incident of the 1988 campaign was when Newsweek ran a cover story called “Fighting the Wimp Factor” which questioned whether Bush was tough enough to be President.

All of these labels were patently unfair when directed towards Bush, who would eventually defeat Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis in November 1988 and become the 41st President.  After all, Bush enlisted in the U.S. Navy on the very day that he turned 18 years old during World War II, was the youngest pilot in the entire Navy upon earning his wings, and flew 58 combat missions in the treacherous Pacific.  Out of the fourteen pilots in Bush’s squadron, he was one of just four to come home at the end of war, and that was despite surviving three plane crashes during his service, one of which he saw him barely evading capture after being shot down by the Japanese.  Bush’s toughness should have never been questioned.

Yes, George H.W. Bush was a patrician and a WASP who was born in Massachusetts, the son of a U.S. Senator, and a student of prestigious schools such as Greenwich Country Day, Phillips Academy, and Yale University.  Still, there was an earthy, fun-loving, mischievous side to the 41st President — one that didn’t vanish when he became the most powerful man in the world.  We know that Bush went skydiving several times as a former President (another measure of his toughness) — he last jumped out of an airplane at the age of 85 in 2009 — but he also might be the only President in history to break out the bunny ears during a gathering of former Presidents and former First Ladies:

In Bob Greene’s Fraternity: A Journey In Search of Five Presidents (BOOKKINDLE), Greene seeks out five former Presidents (Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, and Bush 41) and gets a chance to spend time with all except the ailing Reagan.  In Greene’s wonderful book, the most surprising revelation is that Bush — the wealthy son of a Senator who had a famous family name when entered politics and didn’t have to overcome the poverty and obstacles that Nixon, Ford, and Carter faced — was the most down-to-Earth, easy-going of the four Presidents interviewed.  The two photos above give us a glimpse of that personality.

The bunny ears photo is obviously a clear example of Bush 41 not taking himself too seriously, the skydiving shows an adventurous spirit, but the photo at the beginning of the post is simply evidence that Presidents can have fun — even while they are in office and having every move watched by the public.

On August 19, 1989, George Herbert Walker Bush had been President for almost exactly eight months, and, along with his family, had traveled to his beloved home on Walker’s Point in Kennebunkport, Maine for a two-week-long vacation.  In order to promote boating safety, Coast Guard members videotaped an inspection of President Bush’s 28-foot speedboat, Fidelity, and Bush recorded a short public service announcement about the importance of carrying life jackets while boating.  Once the Coast Guard’s cameras turned off, the 65-year-old President received an old-fashioned family challenge.

Among those out on the water with Bush was his oldest child, 43-year-old George W. Bush, and his twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara.  The future President — still several years from entering the political arena on his own — dared his father to take a dive into the chilly Atlantic Ocean.  Egged on by his son, his granddaughters, and others who were out on the water with them, Bush 41 had no intention backing down.  Stripping down to his trousers, Bush prepared to take the bet.  Although he had just taped the message about life jackets, the President said he didn’t need one when a Coast Guard member suggested Bush wear one if he were going to the take the dive.  After all, Bush was once rescued by a submarine after treading water in the Pacific Ocean for over three hours during World War II, and he was quite confident in his swimming skills.

Before taking the dare, Bush decided to make some money off of it.  George W. didn’t think that the President would make the plunge, especially with other boats full of reporters swarming around Fidelity.  Bush 41 put Jenna and Barbara in charge of collecting bets, and joked to reporters, “You can’t report it unless you put something in the pot.”  After his granddaughters made their rounds and collected the bets, the President of the United States, bare-chested and barefoot, but wearing black trousers, followed through on George W.’s dare.  Diving into the 60-degree Atlantic Ocean waters off the coast of Maine, the President swam for about two minutes before climbing back into Fidelity.

Like the bunny ears photo, it was one of those wonderful, unguarded, fun moments where a President allowed himself to be humanized.  It’s rare that we see that side of our Presidents because now — only a bit more than 20 years later — everything is so choreographed and lacking in spontaneity that we often miss the human side of our Presidents and political leaders.

By the way, for winning the bet and taking the dare of the man who would later become the 43rd President, Bush 41’s twin granddaughters handed the President a grand total of $11.

Tomorrow is the 17th anniversary of Eric “Eazy-E” Wright’s death.  The rapper died on March 26, 1995, about a month after checking himself into Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and finding out that he was suffering from AIDS, not asthma as he had suspected.  Eazy-E became a hip-hop legend after bursting out of Compton as a part of the revolutionary group, N.W.A., along with Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, DJ Yella, and MC Ren.  The controversy stemming from N.W.A.’s gangsta rap classics such as “Fuck Tha Police”, “Gangsta Gangsta”, and “Straight Outta Compton” led to the FBI actually sending a letter to Ruthless Records in 1989 condemning the content of N.W.A.’s music because they felt it encouraged violence against law enforcement.

So, what’s that have to do with Presidents?

After a $2,490 donation to the Republican Party, GOP heavyweights Bob Dole and Phil Gramm invited Eazy-E to the National Republican Senatorial Committee Inner Circle’s “Salute To The Commander-in-Chief” luncheon on March 18, 1991 in Washington, D.C.  Senate Minority Leader Dole sent the gangsta rapper and former drug-dealer the invitation himself on February 8th, writing, “Elizabeth and I are looking forward to seeing you in Washington on March 18.”

Rocking a black leather suit topped off by his trademark Los Angeles Raiders hat, Eazy-E enjoyed lunch with some of the GOP’s top brass — people like Dole, Gramm, Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Schultz, and Sam Walton — and a speech by President George H.W. Bush.  While the voice behind “Boyz-N-The-Hood” didn’t get a chance to actually meet President Bush, Eazy-E made it clear that he was a fan and was even disappointed that Bush didn’t speak for longer.  While he famously rapped “Don’t quote me, boy, cuz I ain’t said shit” in “Boyz-N-The-Hood”, Eazy-E’s spokesperson said that the rapper “Loves the President.  He thinks he’s a great humanitarian and that he did a great job with Desert Storm.”

That might seem like something that would take away Eazy-E’s street cred.  Ice Cube certainly thought so, as he made clear after leaving N.W.A with his diss song “No Vaseline” when he repeated, “I never had dinner with the President!” and accused N.W.A. of ditching Compton.  But maybe Eazy-E and George H.W. Bush had far more in common than most people would imagine.

See, Eazy-E and Ice Cube and Dr. Dre and DJ Yella and MC Ren aren’t the only people to come “Straight Outta Compton”.  In 1949, George Herbert Walker Bush and his family (including another future President, George W. Bush) lived in the Santa Fe Gardens in, yes, that’s right, Compton, California.  The second child of George and Barbara Bush, Robin, who tragically died at the age of 4 of leukemia, was born in Compton.  So, while Compton was a different place in that era, two Presidents of the United States represented the “CPT” — at least for a short time.  And, as the photo at the end of this post demonstrates, young George W. was even strapped — more cowboy than gangsta, not surprisingly — as many young people have long been on the South side of Compton.

•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President George W. Bush and former President George H.W. Bush•
BUSH 41: Look at that, son!  They named an aircraft carrier after me!  What an honor!BUSH 43: Congratulations, Pops, you deserve it.BUSH 41: I’m sure they’ll name something after you someday.  Then again, I was a war hero and you were…well…not.BUSH 43: Sure, Dad.  I may not have been a war hero, but how was your second term in the White House?BUSH 41: Not only were you not a war hero, you weren’t even a war participant.  Then again, I guess starting two wars is more than I can claim credit for.BUSH 43: I wouldn’t have had to start one of them if you had finished it in 1991.BUSH 41: I was too busy worrying about how to keep my black sheep, fuckoff eldest son from embarrassing me and creating an obstacle for my good son, Jeb, on his eventual journey to the White House.BUSH 43: Which of my two terms was your favorite?  You know, since you lost your shot at re-election in 1992, you can technically still serve another term.  It’s not too late, old-timer.BUSH 41: I ought to kick your ass.  I still could, too.  I was flying bomber missions in the Pacific during World War II before I could grow facial hair.  When you were that age, you were a drunk cheerleader at Yale.BUSH 43: Wait…photographers.  Smile and pretend we like each other.BUSH 41: Jeb’s still pissed at you for ruining his future plans.BUSH 43: Jeb looks like the illegitimate son of mom and a Spanish opera singer.  That swarthy motherfucker should run for President of Weight Watchers.BUSH 41: He’ll be giving the eulogy at my funeral.BUSH 43: Yes, the opening eulogy right before I get up and say, “Well, that was a nice speech for a Governor…now for some Presidential gravitas.”BUSH 41: You looked ridiculous in that “Mission Accomplished” flight suit, you phony.BUSH 43: At least I didn’t throw up in the lap of Japan’s Prime Minister.BUSH 41: Fuck you:  two unjust wars.BUSH 43: Eat a dick:  one shitty term.

•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President George W. Bush and former President George H.W. Bush•

BUSH 41: Look at that, son!  They named an aircraft carrier after me!  What an honor!
BUSH 43: Congratulations, Pops, you deserve it.
BUSH 41: I’m sure they’ll name something after you someday.  Then again, I was a war hero and you were…well…not.
BUSH 43: Sure, Dad.  I may not have been a war hero, but how was your second term in the White House?
BUSH 41: Not only were you not a war hero, you weren’t even a war participant.  Then again, I guess starting two wars is more than I can claim credit for.
BUSH 43: I wouldn’t have had to start one of them if you had finished it in 1991.
BUSH 41:
I was too busy worrying about how to keep my black sheep, fuckoff eldest son from embarrassing me and creating an obstacle for my good son, Jeb, on his eventual journey to the White House.
BUSH 43: Which of my two terms was your favorite?  You know, since you lost your shot at re-election in 1992, you can technically still serve another term.  It’s not too late, old-timer.
BUSH 41:
I ought to kick your ass.  I still could, too.  I was flying bomber missions in the Pacific during World War II before I could grow facial hair.  When you were that age, you were a drunk cheerleader at Yale.
BUSH 43:
Wait…photographers.  Smile and pretend we like each other.
BUSH 41: Jeb’s still pissed at you for ruining his future plans.
BUSH 43: Jeb looks like the illegitimate son of mom and a Spanish opera singer.  That swarthy motherfucker should run for President of Weight Watchers.
BUSH 41: He’ll be giving the eulogy at my funeral.
BUSH 43: Yes, the opening eulogy right before I get up and say, “Well, that was a nice speech for a Governor…now for some Presidential gravitas.”
BUSH 41: You looked ridiculous in that “Mission Accomplished” flight suit, you phony.
BUSH 43: At least I didn’t throw up in the lap of Japan’s Prime Minister.
BUSH 41: Fuck you:  two unjust wars.
BUSH 43: Eat a dick:  one shitty term.

•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription•

BUSH 43:  Oh my God…being President is SO boring.
LAURA:  SHHHHHH!
BUSH 43:  No, I will not SHHHHH!  I don’t care if I wake him up.
BUSH 41:  What are you complaining about?  Keep it down.
BUSH 43:  I’m tired and I had to go to meetings all day and then sit on an airplane just to watch Santa sleep and it’s not fair.
BUSH 41:  That’s not Santa.
BUSH 43:  Then why are we here?
LAURA:  That’s the Pope, dear.
BUSH 43:  Well, then I definitely shouldn’t have to sit here and watch THE POPE sleep!
BUSH 41:  He’s not sleeping, Shitbrain!  He’s dead!
CLINTON:  Keep it down, guys.
BUSH 43:  He’s dead?
LAURA:  Yes, he passed away, honey.
BUSH 43:  (Sadly)  Oh no…poor Santa.
BUSH 41:  IT’S NOT SANTA!
CLINTON:  SHHHHHHH!
BUSH 41:  Don’t shush me, Bill.  And zip your pants back up, for God’s sake.
CONDOLEEZZA:  No, Bill, keep those pants unzipped.  I’m bored and it’s time for some Jungle Fever.
BUSH 41:  Ewww.
BUSH 43:  But who will deliver the presents?  Who will feed the reindeer?
LAURA:  It’s not Santa, George.  It is the Pope. 
BUSH 43:  Then why are we here?
LAURA:  To pay our respects.
BUSH 43:  But it’s not Santa.
BUSH 41:  Jesus Christ.  Great, my son is President of the United States but he’s also a fucking retard.  I couldn’t have had a smart garbageman?  It’s not like people are going to forget about this in the future.  Is it possible for ME to change my name?
BUSH 43:  Since he’s dead, can I campaign to be the new Santa?