Dead Presidents

Historical facts, thoughts, ramblings and collections on the Presidency and about the Presidents of the United States.

By Anthony Bergen
E-Mail: bergen.anthony@gmail.com
Posts tagged "41"

Best wishes tonight to 88-year-old former President George Herbert Walker Bush whose condition has apparently worsened as he continues to battle a nasty flu that has hospitalized him for over a month.  George H.W. Bush is an American hero who has served our country since his 18th birthday and is one of the most decent, qualified men ever elected President.

We’re pulling for you, 41.

ANDREW JOHNSON
17th President of the United States (1865-1869)

Full Name: Andrew Johnson
Born: December 29, 1808, Casso’s Inn, Raleigh, North Carolina
Term: April 15, 1865-March 4, 1869
Political Party: National Union/Democratic
Vice President: None (Succeeded to office upon death of Abraham Lincoln)
Died: July 31, 1875, near Carter’s Station, Carter County, Tennessee
Buried: Andrew Johnson National Cemetery, Greeneville, Tennessee

Much like James Buchanan, whoever was in the pilot’s seat as the wounds of the Civil War began to heal and a bitterly divided nation worked towards Reconstruction was going to have a difficult time.  Unfortunately, the man who led the nation through that Civil War ended up being one of its final casualties and Andrew Johnson was thrust into the White House.  Johnson was the only Southern Senator to remain loyal to the Union, but he was also a vehement racist.  He didn’t fight for equal rights or emancipation, he fought against a Southern aristocracy that he had long despised.  Lincoln’s assassination robbed the nation of many things, the most important of which was a steady and gracious visionary with top-notch political skills committed to truly reuniting the North and South.  Johnson made enemies in the South, in Congress, and in his own Administration, became the first President to ever be impeached, and barely survived a trial in the Senate so that he could finish the term of the martyred Lincoln.

PREVIOUS RANKINGS:
1948: Schlesinger Sr./Life Magazine:  19 of 29
1962: Schlesinger Sr./New York Times Magazine:  23 of 31
1982: Neal/Chicago Tribune:  32 of 38
1990: Siena Institute:  39 of 40
1996: Schlesinger Jr./New York Times Magazine:  37 of 39
2000: C-SPAN Survey of Historians:  40 of 41
2000: C-SPAN Public Opinion Poll:  38 of 41
2005: Wall Street Journal/Presidential Leadership:  37 of 40
2009: C-SPAN Survey of Historians:  41 of 42
2010: Siena Institute:  43 of 43
2011: University of London’s U.S. Presidency Centre:  36 of 40

•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President George W. Bush, President-elect Barack Obama, former President Bill Clinton, and former President George H.W. Bush in the Oval Office•

BUSH 43: Bill…Holy shit, this guy’s really black!
CLINTON:  Dude, you screwed up so badly that America elected a black guy.
BUSH 43: I thought it was just a rumor.  I didn’t know he was seriously a black dude.  Like…wow…he’s not white.  We elected a black President!
CLINTON: You know, I think we can take him.  I’ll dive for the legs and you get him in a headlock.
BUSH 43: And then what?
CLINTON: Well, I’ll just get my shit and move in.  Don’t tell Hillary.  We’re going to keep it on the DL this time around.
BUSH 41: What are you guys whispering about over there?
BUSH 43: Nothing, Dad!  (Whispers to Clinton)  Is that old fart ever going to kick it?  He’s not supposed to outlive me.  John Quincy Adams must have had it easy when his dad croaked.
CLINTON: He’s in better shape than any of us — including Tiger Woods over there.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself)  Holy shit, I can’t believe America elected me.  I’m black for fuck’s sake!  A black President!  This isn’t the movies!  I’m not Morgan Freeman in “Deep Impact”!
BUSH 43: I know that I have to be President until January 20th, but do I really have to do anything?  I need a vacation.  Can’t I just go home now?
CLINTON: Well, I was pardoning people up until the moment the Chief Justice administered the Oath.  I mean, seriously, I was literally pardoning people while I sat on the dais at the Inauguration in 2001.
BUSH 41: Hey son, how about you stop whispering and start acting Presidential.  Shake this colored fella’s hand.  He won’t get any on you.
OBAMA: What?
BUSH 43: Don’t worry, Arsenio, he lost his mind on his last parachute jump.  He’s just a crazy old man.
BUSH 41: A crazy old man who will open a can of whoop-ass on you, Junior.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself)  I wonder if I still have to be President if I just run out the doors right now.  This is like inheriting the Titanic after it hit the iceberg.
CLINTON: You know what’s strange?  It still smells like cigars and fat girls in here.
BUSH 43: I had the carpet cleaned, but I think you pretty much ruined the Oval Office with that Lewinsky crap.
CLINTON: Yeah, we should definitely overlook the economic growth, budget surplus, and welfare reform simply because I got frisky with an intern.
BUSH 41, OBAMA & BUSH 43 SIMULTANEOUSLY: A FAT INTERN!
CLINTON: Alright, I get it.  As if impeachment wasn’t embarrassing enough.
BUSH 41: I knew I should have worn a diaper.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself)  First of all, I wonder if Papa Bush realizes he said that out loud.  And, secondly, I’m beginning to realize I made a HUGE mistake.  I could be playing basketball in Hawaii for the next eight years!  Also, I’M BLACK!  I’m not saying we can’t be in charge; I’m just saying we SHOULDN’T be in charge yet!  Tupac said so in “Changes”.
BUSH 43: What are we here for again?  And why is Jimmy Carter cut out of the picture?  Hey, Bryant Gumbel, why are you standing next to my dad?
OBAMA: You’re running out of light-skinned black celebrities, aren’t you?
BUSH 43: Yes, Mario Van Peebles.  Okay, I’m definitely out of them now.
BUSH 41: Hey Clinton, why do you have a boner?
CLINTON: I don’t know.  This room just reminds me of spraying spider webs all over blue dresses.
OBAMA: (Thinking to himself)  I could probably get out of this situation right now if I say something in Arabic.
BUSH 41: Now which one of us says “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”?