Dead Presidents

Historical facts, thoughts, ramblings and collections on the Presidency and about the Presidents of the United States.

By Anthony Bergen
E-Mail: bergen.anthony@gmail.com
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•FROM ONE YEAR AGO: A very special Historically Accurate Transcription from the White House Situation Room•

CLINTON:  Oh my God!  I can’t believe it!
GATES
:  I know — I can’t believe Chris Jericho was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars.
DALEY:  Wendy Williams…that’s a dude, right?
CLINTON
:  I think so.
BIDEN
:  I think Bill would still probably hit it.
OBAMA
:  Guys…let’s get focused.  General Webb, would you please change the channel so we can watch this go down.
GENERAL WEBB
:  I’m trying.  Mr. President.  I’m not really a PC guy, though.
GATES
:  I’ve spent my entire term trying to get the government to switch to Macs.
BIDEN
:  They really do look much cooler.
OBAMA
:  Again, we’re losing focus.
CLINTON
:  The President is right.
OBAMA
:  Of course I am right.  That’s why I’m here instead of one of those losers that I ran against in 2008.
CLINTON
:  Excuse me?  Are you really going to do this right now?  I am so tired of you rubbing it in.  There’s no need for a victory lap.
OBAMA
:  You see the seal on that white paper cup on the table?  It’s mine, not yours.
CLINTON
:  You’re such a dick sometimes.
OBAMA
:  And you’re not a President all the time.
GENERAL WEBB
:  Okay, I’m getting a video feed.
BIDEN
:  This is going to be great!
GATES
:  I don’t think this is necessary.  We got bin Laden.  Why are we doing this again?
OBAMA
:  I want to see the look on his face.  I NEED to see the look on his face.
GATES
:  That’s kind of sick, isn’t it?  I mean, you did it.  I’m happy you did it.  But this…this is just too much.
BIDEN
:  I don’t know, Gates.  I kind of want to see this, too.
CLINTON
:  I agree.
OBAMA
:  Of course you agree, Hillary.  You serve at the pleasure of the President — it’s in your best interest to agree.
BIDEN
:  Hahahaha…hey Barack, you’ll be the first President she pleased!  No need for you to find an intern!
DALEY
:  Oooooh…burn.
CLINTON
:  Fuck this.  I’m out of here.  You guys are children.
OBAMA
:  Children who were victorious in a national election unlike some Secretaries of State that I know.
GENERAL WEBB
:  There you go — we have video.  Do you see him?
OBAMA
:  Yep, there he is.
GATES
:  I don’t know if I want to watch this.  It’s going to be gruesome.
OBAMA
:  How is this going to work?
GENERAL WEBB
:  We’re going to keep the camera trained on his face.  Whenever you are ready, we’ll place the call.
OBAMA
:  Okay….GO.
GENERAL WEBB
:  The phone is ringing.  Keep watching him.  Alright, it’s all yours, Mr. President.
OBAMA
:  “Hello?  Hey, George…it’s Barack.  I just wanted to call you and let you know that American forces under my command just killed Osama bin Laden.  We got him….yeah…….yes, we did…………yes, I know how badly you wanted it to happen during your Presidency…..oh no, don’t cry, it’s a good day for America….yes, I’m sure that they are tears of joy….if only we were face-to-face so we could share this moment together….yes, President Bush, godspeed……I know……yes……I agree about Chris Jericho, too…..okay, well, we’ll talk soon….goodbye.
(ROOM ERUPTS IN LAUGHTER)

BIDEN
:  That was awesome!  Did you see the look on his face?
DALEY
:  It was priceless.  It looked like someone told him that gay people were giving abortions to illegal immigrants while they were doing stem cell research!
BIDEN
:  He looked like he did when he was reading “My Pet Goat”!
OBAMA
:  That was cruel.  He was crying.  I was having such a hard time trying not to laugh.
BIDEN
:  Tears of joy?  I’m sure.  I’m so glad we got to see video of that.
GATES
:  I’ve never seen something so mean.
GENERAL WEBB
:  We still have a video feed for a few more minutes.
BIDEN
:  Let’s see if he starts drinking.
OBAMA
:  Should we just have someone else call and say, “Hey, congratulations on killing bin Laden!” and then say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I think I called the wrong President.”?
BIDEN
:  We should get Hillary back in here.
OBAMA
:  Yes, tell her the President needs some coffee.
  1. theycallmegomer said: Awesome! lol
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  5. redwhiteblueandpink said: I think I’ve read all of your Historically Accurate Transcriptions, but this is the best one H.A.T.s off :)
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