Dead Presidents

Historical facts, thoughts, ramblings and collections on the Presidency and about the Presidents of the United States.

By Anthony Bergen

•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription starring President Abraham Lincoln and General George B. McClellan•

McCLELLAN: But why are you being such a dick?
LINCOLN: I’m not being a dick.
McCLELLAN: You’re being a dick.
LINCOLN: I’m just sayin’…stop frontin’.
McCLELLAN: Whatever, dude.  You try getting excited about fighting for MARYLAND.
LINCOLN: I told you, I’m not letting you retreat to New Hampshire “just in case”.
McCLELLAN: You’ll be sorry.  You might as well just give Maine to the Confederates now.
LINCOLN: You know what you’re problem is, dude?
McCLELLAN: What?  Tell me what my problem is.
LINCOLN: You’re jealous of my height.
McCLELLAN: Not cool, homie.  Not cool.
LINCOLN: Let’s face the facts…I’m 6’4” of frontier goodness and you can fit in my stovepipe hat.
McCLELLAN: Are you done with this bullshit?
LINCOLN: I’m HONEST ABE…no bullshit from me, “Napoleon-Minus-The-Military-Genius”.
McCLELLAN: That’s it…
LINCOLN: What?  What you gonna do?  DO something!  I dare you.
McCLELLAN: I saw your Twitter - “If General McClellan does not want to use the army, I would like to borrow it for a time.”  Real funny…how about your shove your army up your ass?
LINCOLN: At least it would finally be doing something.
McCLELLAN: Fuck you, dude.
LINCOLN: Sorry, I can’t hear you.  Can you perhaps stand on the table so the sound reaches my ears, little man?
McCLELLAN: Whatever.  You’ve turned into a real dick.
LINCOLN: Go get me General Burnside and hit the bricks, shorty.

  1. anna8910 reblogged this from deadpresidents
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    And since I started it - I’ll go on! This is vintage- but SO good!
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    This is the best thing ever
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